As a single woman preparing for marriage I have learned so much over the last few months. Remember the little heart-shaped Valentine’s Day candies our parents would by for us to exchange with our elementary school friends? Remember the ones that read, “Will You Be Mine”. My goodness… That was a heavy proposal for fourth graders. Little did we know what we were asking of each other, and here I stand some thirty years later still sorting it all out. I’m so thankful to God that He has given me sound resources to turn to that I can understand what it really means to be in a relationship and more specifically a marriage relationship.
A recommendation to all singles who desire to be married is do your homework. While we are single there are many preparations to be made. While we are waiting we might as well make ourselves the most ready we can be.
I waited for years for the man of my dreams to come into my life and ask, “Will you be mine?” Never did I go into too much depth as to what “being his” really entailed. I must admit I’d often focus on all the benefits I would get out of the relationship. However, if I give myself to him, then there is like some transfer of ownership that takes place. Pretty cool, huh? Well it is if you’re ready to give, consider him before you consider yourself, and be prepared to accept “the death of the self”. It sounds like a horror movie doesn’t it. But when he too gives himself to you, sacrificial and unconditional love is shared! Then the prospective changes from a horror movie to a chick flick!
This is the way that God designed marriage from the beginning. The two shall become “one flesh”. You become a real dream team. Dr. John H. Thomas describes this best on his CD “Before You Say I Do”, as “the death of the self”. Selfishness has no place in a relationship. After the initial bliss has died down, the sexual fascination has waned a bit, and the honeymoon is over, the real side of marriage begins. Dr. Thomas explains well (using the Word of God as a foundation) the importance of you being his, and he being yours. Sometimes in order to give him what he desires you have to give up something of yourself and vice versa. And this might not be as easy as you think.
When you’re single, you can be selfish all day. You do what pleases you and all is well. You watch want you want on television. You eat what you want to eat. You go out of town when you get ready. You talk to friends on the phone at any hour of the day or night. You make time for your hobbies, your interests, your career, your education, your family. You do you. Hopefully no single person is sitting in front of the television arguing alone about whether to watch The Golden Girls or play tennis on the Wii. So get ready.
When love comes your way, be prepared to relinquish the power of the remote control that governs life as you know it.
“Will you be mine?” …A very common phrase on Valentine’s Day. But before you ask and before you say yes, know what it really means. It’s not just about you anymore. That’s something to really think about and pray about before saying, “I do”.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Helpful marriage and pre-marriage resources:
O.J. Gibson – Better Homes and Marriages
Dr. John H Thomas – Before You Say I Do: Pre-Marriage Considerations
Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick – The Love Dare
All my love,
Miss Love in waiting
P.S. There is no greater love than the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. He was our example of true love and self-sacrifice. He gave His life that we might live.