My greatest frustration during the years of being single was not the desire to be held, or coming home to an empty house, or even dining solo watching the couple at a nearby table feed each other. The greatest frustration for me was this notion from people that I had some kind of disease. I was reminded constantly that I was not married and made to feel like I could not be whole unless I was.
I was once asked by someone all in one breath, “You’re how old, you’re not married, you ain’t got no kids…what’s wrong with you?”
It was the assumption that I was in some kind of ailing condition that I had to be delivered from lest I should meet an untimely demise. People meant well, but they were trying to fix something that was not broken. It was all just a matter of waiting on the Lord.
I wasn’t broken. It just simply wasn’t time.
The heartache of being single can seem unbearable, but no one dies from being single. Life is not over when you’re single. This logical fact seems reasonable enough, right? So why did it take so long for this logical truth to register in my brain? Again, the heartache was excruciating sometimes. Especially when I didn’t have my mind on things above and my prayer life was on life support. And particularly during those times when there was a hope of deepening a relationship with someone that abruptly ended.
According to the Word of God, He created humankind to be social creatures. So, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be married. It was a part of God’s plan from the beginning.
But we must be careful not to make marriage an idol.
We must guard our hearts so that we do not do anything and everything just to be married. I had some days where all I did was think about who my husband would be, where he was, and when would he come my way. It’s okay to think on these things from time to time, but I would literally devote whole days and nights to these thoughts. I would do this not considering what God wanted for my life at that time. There were other things that God had planned for me and I almost missed it because I was sidetracked with thoughts of marriage. I was sidetracked with the illusion that I was not okay just as I was.
Finally, I sought after God with the same passion I sought after marriage.
The Lord assured me that yes, one day I would be a wife. However, until that time, He had work for me to do. My purpose for living extended beyond being a wife. I am also a child of God and I live to worship Him, not marriage.
When I let go and I let God, I found so much joy. Oh my goodness did the joy of the Lord overflow in my life! It was hard letting go at first. I was so obsessed with falling in love and having a man, but it was not time yet.
There was nothing wrong with me. It just simply wasn’t time.
Dwayne Wood’s song comes to mind…
As soon as I stop worrying… Worrying how the story ends… I let go and I let God, let God have His way… That’s when things start happening… I’ll stop looking at back then… I let go and I’ll let God have His way.
Having a better attitude and better faith can really change a situation around. I didn’t have a man… not even a slight prospect, but God strengthened me.
At that point I knew that there was nothing wrong with me being single. I was fine. I was blessed. And I dared anybody to tell me otherwise. I know in whom I have believed and He knows what is best for me. There are so many great things that have happened to me that would not have, except I were single.
Maintain your confidence and a grateful heart. No matter who talks about you, looks upon you with pity, or attempts to make you feel second class because your ring finger is (for the moment) undressed. The most important thing is our relationship with our Heavenly Father. In Him we are blessed, not broken, and that settles it.
Be grateful until the time,