The Christian Man and the Cookie

I hadn’t heard sex referred to as the “cookie” until I read Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. The book was a great read. It’s funny, entertaining, and it enlightened me as to how men think when it comes to relationships.

Harvey says that men need love, support, and the cookie.  No arguments here. Giving love and support are two things shared by many types of relationships and makes for a great foundation to a long and lasting relationship. Now, what about the cookie? That is a more delicate issue.

It is agreed that men want the cookie. Men need the cookie. Men love cookies.

There are some men who follow the 90-day rule or something similar. They’ll willingly wait 90 days for the cookie if they are serious about a woman. I suppose this is considered a respectable time frame. However God’s plan for courtship and marriage ventures into another direction. There’s no 90, 100, or even 365 day waiting period for having sex before marriage. God planned for sex to take part within marriage, not without.

So if men have to have the cookie, what are Christian women to do?

Well, I am excited to highlight that as Christian women we don’t have to compromise our convictions. Not all men are willing to let down Christian standards and personal convictions just to get the cookie. Not all men have a frightful lack of self-control. Many men today are planning and waiting until marriage before they have cookies. They are seriously in love with their women and their God. The real Christian man doesn’t want to dishonor his woman or damage her soul. He makes himself worthy of her tenderness and love. He pleases the Lord knowing God will bless and protect their union.

Thank God for real men who love Jesus!

Some women say that they haven’t met any men like this. I admit the numbers seem mighty skinny, but God always has a people committed to serving Him. And some of those people are indeed men. They are real men who just happen to love Jesus. They have surrendered their all to the Lord and affirmed that their bodies are not their own, but are temples of God. And their love for God will lead them to honor a woman while dating.

Yes, he wants the cookie too… but not before it’s time.

It reminds me of one of my favorite passages of scripture.

“I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.” Song of Solomon 2:7  

Yet while these men have strong convictions, others do not. If a woman is willing to freely give away her cookies, there are men who will gladly indulge. They may not respect her, but they’ll take the cookie.  They may be conscious that she’s lowered her standards, but they don’t question. Some know she will hate herself later and that he is not going to commit long-term to her, but… they’ll take the cookie anyway. Sex doesn’t mean she’s loved and it doesn’t mean marriage is pending.

Love and respect must first begin inside of us, right? There’s a bad seed that gets planted in the mind of women. It grows into the theory that if I don’t give up the cookie he will get it from someone else. But, he may go get it from someone else anyway. I pray women everywhere love themselves enough to do what’s best for their bodies and souls.

Remember, there are good, Christian, holy men out there who are different from the rest. They believe in the power of God’s Word and promises. They walk in the Spirit and are not led by the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, or the pride of life. They revere Christian women as God’s own and are noble with their love. Yes, they desire love, support, and the cookie. Nonetheless, they want the cookie when the time is right.

I’ve met them. I’ve heard their testimonies. And soon I will marry one of them.

They are men most precious and well worth waiting for.

Save the cookie until the wedding night and enjoy.

Miss Love in Waiting

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43 thoughts on “The Christian Man and the Cookie

  1. Amen to that sis! I’ve been on both sides and the best side was when I saved my cookies until I got married! It was seven years but well worth the wait!!! Now I Know what love really feels like and it’s oh so sweet just like cookies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I love this post. It’s hard to date someone and remain pure, but it makes the love so much stronger. 🙂

  3. The central premise of Steve Harvey’s book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.

    Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for less than they truly want when dating, but the damage they’re doing to themselves is not ultimately a result of letting men get away with murder, so to speak. Rather, the problem originates from the fact that women are choosing the wrong men. Decent men don’t look for any opportunity to take advantage of women. They don’t take that mile when given the proverbial inch. The men who do are the players, chiselers and con artists, the kinds of men who may look good in the store window but fall totally apart when you get them home from the mall.

    ‘Act Like a Lady’ ultimately is a rehashing of the familiar ‘men are incorrigible dogs’ theory of gender. It’s a tired story that I’d hope we had moved past, but here it is again in a new package. Yes, men like sex. Yes, men like to look around. But decent men are able to control their urges, especially when they know that not doing so will cause great pain to those around them. Steve’s theory doesn’t stand up to real life, where if you spend any time, you quickly realize that uniqueness is a defining human personality trait.

    Most women do have high standards–that is, until they run into a man who knows all the right things to say to circumvent their defenses. A woman can absolutely KNOW that she’s worth all the trouble, but she’ll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He’s selling something she didn’t even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she’s a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. It’s up to women to see these men for who they are and to look the other way when they pour on the insincere charm.

    Women need to realize that the adage ‘all that glitters is not gold’ applies to men as well as minerals.

  4. The central premise of Steve Harvey’s book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.

    Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for less than they truly want when dating, but the damage they’re doing to themselves is not ultimately a result of letting men get away with murder, so to speak. Rather, the problem originates from the fact that women are choosing the wrong men. Decent men don’t look for any opportunity to take advantage of women. They don’t take that mile when given the proverbial inch. The men who do are the players, chiselers and con artists, the kinds of men who may look good in the store window but fall totally apart when you get them home from the mall.

    ‘Act Like a Lady’ ultimately is a rehashing of the familiar ‘men are incorrigible dogs’ theory of gender. It’s a tired story that I’d hope we had moved past, but here it is again in a new package. Yes, men like sex. Yes, men like to look around. But decent men are able to control their urges, especially when they know that not doing so will cause great pain to those around them. Steve’s theory doesn’t stand up to real life, where if you spend any time, you quickly realize that uniqueness is a defining human personality trait.

    Most women do have high standards–that is, until they run into a man who knows all the right things to say to circumvent their defenses. A woman can absolutely KNOW that she’s worth all the trouble, but she’ll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He’s selling something she didn’t even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she’s a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. It’s up to women to see these men for who they are and to look the other way when they pour on the insincere charm.

    Women need to realize that the adage ‘all that glitters is not gold’ applies to men as well as minerals.

    1. I believe we are ALL missing the point! In the book “Getting Serious About Getting Married” Debbie Maken asserts somethiing I have been saying for may years. Men in the Christian faith, and that is who we are looking at, not the men in the world, are not being encouraged to seek wives, to understand the blessing of marriage, to attain the first directive given to man by His creator. The Church at large, is not teaching any of this to men. The church IS however teaching woment to be Proverbs 31 women, but neglecting to teach men to be Proverbs 31 men. Us women are created to help a man achieve the purpose to which God created Him. When many women are still single at 45, and no genuine man has stepped up, because he has a right to enjoy the best years of his life, single, without thinking about the purpose to which he was created, to what ends must the woman resort? God never intended for women to be unprotected. I times past, if a man wanted to date a woman, he would have had to ask her father, or some other male elder from her family for permission, even in the good old USA. We were supposed to be protected by the church, parents, society, friends, and the mas own family, The men were NEVER supposed to have free access to violate the women, and IF they did there were dire consequences. Their names would be tarnished and they would find it hard to get good work or even good friends, because people would not want to be associated with his misdemenor.

  5. Your article “The Christian Man and the Cookie” was excellent. If only more women and Christian women could love God and themselves enough to wait. God ALWAYS knows best. I’m reminded of Psalms 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

    @utopiasocialclu

  6. Your article “The Christian Man and the Cookie” was excellent. If only more women and Christian women could love God and themselves enough to wait. God ALWAYS knows best. I’m reminded of Psalms 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

    @utopiasocialclu

  7. Listen carefully: DON’T LISTEN TO STEVE HARVEY!
    Who is this guy anyway? He’s a failed sitcom actor who thinks he can speak for the ENTIRE male gender?
    Follow your heart – and faith!

  8. As a Christian man, I enjoyed your post. I would also recommend “captivating” and “wild at heart” by Eldgeredge (I may have messed that name up). Even though captivating is addressing a woman’s heart, It is a woman’s heart I hope to lead. I think both books are benificial to everyone. “Wild at heart” gives some good insights into the male mind. Keep up the conviction 🙂

  9. This is an excellent post. I’ve read the book and it was entertaining but the ‘cookie countdown’ aspect of it was unGodly. As if women don’t want the cookie, too! Better to find a man who isn’t handing himself out like candy, too. 🙂

  10. I see articles like this and hear girls in church group talk about this all time. But none of them can name this plethora Christian men who really want to wait to have sex. They all speak hypothetically and theoretically, just like LoveinWaiting did. I know of soo sooo many happilyChristian married couples who admittedly had sex with each other during their courtship. No one gets real about the facts of Christian dating.

    1. Thank you for reading. The reality of “Christian” dating is that there are men and women who are not having sex before marriage. Married couples who did not wait can not account for everyone.

      It is sad that the statistics of those who have sex before marriage damages our view of what God wants. This is not a Bible study blog but the scripture does tell us to flee fornication. God bless the couples who had sex before marriage and they are happily married today. But I hope it doesn’t lead anyone to believe that it was God’s perfect will. In fact the act of fornication seperates us from God. Maybe someone can help me out here, but the idea of a “Christian” fornicator is troubling.

      If one falls into temptation I believe God can and will restore them if they repent with a sincere heart. But should we continue to sin that Grace may abound?

      There’s no need to provide a list of names in order to prove that God has the power to keep men pure. If Christian men and women desire to be kept from sexually sins, God is more than able. This is reality.

      I only was inspired to write this blog because of men that I know who are waiting until marriage for the cookie. After speaking with them I realized that they indeed have a powerful testimony.

      It is unfortunate that men are stereotyped when it comes to celibacy. It’s okay for the woman, and not for the man. Many Christian celibate men don’t come forward because of the lack of faith…even in the Christian community. People believe that men can’t abstain so if they do there must be something wrong with them. That is so sad.

      Don’t we believe in a God who is holy and able to do all things for His people?

      Christians who fall into temptation and have sex before marriage is a reality, but is it what God wants? What glory does it give God? Shouldn’t we celebrate and testify more of what God wants to be encouraging rather than discouraging?

      Psalm 145:17-21: “The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. The LORD preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy. My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.”

  11. This is a great blog! We are a christian ministry blog who address issues of the family. Please come by and look around and subscribe to our blog, i really think our viewers would be helped by this blog and your viewers would be helped by ours.

    I look forward to seeing you!

    Cynthia Davis

  12. Hi, I just discovered your blog and wanted to say thank you for your words of encouragement.

    I am a single Christian young woman and really do wonder whether I should give up on finding the right man (who believes in waiting) – I have met perhaps two in the past five years! I have felt especially recently that God is preparing me to be in a relationship but it really does feel like the right man may not exist!

    It’s also difficult sometimes not to feel a bit ashamed for being ‘frigid’, or wonder whether it’s true that losing one’s virginity is no big deal and I should just ‘chill out’ and be ‘normal’ like everyone else…

    So, thanks for the encouragement 🙂

    1. God bless you Emi! Thank you for your comment. It will inspire others to also be encouraged and believe in the existence of the right one. Nothing is too hard for God and purity is priceless.

      Candra

  13. Wow! I really luv ur blog, it inspired me a great! What shall we say abt d man who claims to be a christian, yet he still involves himself wif d cookie?

    I know i’ve done so many wrongs to God, but i pray he forgives me and grant me my desire of a true christian man dat loves him with al his heart, in truth nd in spirit.
    Thanks for dis once again.

    1. God is truly a forgiving God. Hallelujah to that because I have certainly needed His forgiveness in my life. Thank you so much for leaving a comment. It always makes my day! God bless and please share if you don’t mind. 🙂

  14. Funny…
    The post with the most comments is the one that is talking about – as my mother would say – “THE BIG ‘S’!”

    Even the Saved, Celibate and Single want to read & talk about IT. Praise JESUS for GODLY websites like Love & Grace and anointed writers like Minister Candra who addresses the concerns of godly singles. God bless this website!

    1. We cannot escape the big S! I’m sure this is also a hot topic on the saved and single conference calls! Thanks for stopping by Love and Grace! See you soon at savedandsingle.info 🙂

  15. I thank you for this article. The world clearly has a different take on dating, sex and marriage. This spoke truth. There are those of us who live in obedience to GOD’s Word. Many kudos!

  16. I read Steve Harvey book too as i was reading your blog i never thought he was telling the women in the book to have sex before marriage cause if i hadda know that i would never got the book as i thinking about it now i kinda disagree on what he says in the book.

    1. I did enjoy the book very much. The 90 day rule was one of the few points that I don’t agree with, but he is writing from a different perspective. At the end of the day, the Word of God stands.

      Thanks for your comment! God bless!

  17. Good stuff. My Pastor is preaching his sermon on “Will The Real Men of God Please Stand Up”. Using Samson’s life in the Book of Judges as his bases. I’m learning a lot through this series about how a man of God is suppose to treat women and vice verse. Like someone else mentioned before. I been on both sides BUT thank God for change and that I’m willing to wait until God says move. I see change in me and when I’m tempted. I have to remember 1 Corinthians 10:13. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and leaving your comment. There are many faithful, devoted, and great men of God in this world. I thank God for keeping and blessing his people. God bless you!

    1. I think it would be hard to estimate a number. Waiting isn’t the most popular thing to do and it goes against our human nature. There are a number of men who will wait for as long as it takes and there are a number of men who secretly desire to. It takes encouragement from one another and a continuous flow of divine inspiration to keep us all on the right path. With every temptation, a man and woman has to make that personal decision to take a stand. Some stand strong in their convictions. Some compromise but later seek restoration. There are large purity movements happening around the world and there are men standing strong right along with the women. So women don’t have to surrender to the deception that they must freely give their bodies away to keep God’s man for them…because all men just have to have the cookie or else they will die. If that is so, he is not God’s man for them.

  18. I am one of those men you speak of who’s saving myself for marriage, and I’m a much better man for it. There’s so much that’s wrong & unbiblical about many of Steve Harvey’s comments (claiming to be a new kind of Christian, saying you can cut deals with God and He wants you to be comfortable, etc.); his 90 day fornication rule is just scratching the surface.
    May the Lord continue to bless those who walk in His Holy will.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment of confirmation! Many sisters are skeptical that someone like you exists. Therefore they feel pressured to compromise sexual purity in exchange for a wedding ring. Thank you for reading and please stop by again. May God bless you!

      1. And thank you for your thoughtful reply. It’s an honor to be welcomed to your blog. There is a peace that comes from doing things the way God wants us to, along with the safety of avoiding the consequences of sin, that I wouldn’t trade for the world. That’s a true reward.

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