A Visit With The Single Me

After approximately 5,475 days of living as a Christian single, this week marked 200 days of marriage for me and Ron.  Two hundred days is merely a drop in the bucket when compared to fifteen years plus of being single. Yet, I have learned so much. So many things that I could once only imagine are now a part of my reality.

This morning I was thinking, I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back even ten years and speak to the Candra of the past. There are so many things I would share with her. I see her sitting in her apartment alone and wondering when God would send love her way. She questioned God’s will and almost lost her faith. She nearly gave up on hope. Thoughts of backsliding from God’s will and living an unequally yoked life with an unbelieving man haunted her. She found little security or comfort in who she was because she grasped for less than perfect love…which is not love at all.

If only she lived an awesome Christian single life for all of those 5,475 days. I would tell her to write novels and run marathons. I’d take her hand and lead her to the homeless and hungry that she may feed them and minister God’s love. I’d challenge her to become an inventor, a painter, to volunteer for causes close to heart. Perhaps those the days of sorrow could be replaced with joy and contentment. Maybe her time would be spent wiping away the tears of others instead of her own.

If only I could travel back in time…

I would reassure her that God cares about her pain and that His grace will be sufficient enough to carry her through this season. If only I could describe in perfect detail, the husband that God prepared for her. She often wondered where he was, what did he look like, and what were his dreams. Was he thinking about her as much as she thought of him? The answer is yes. Yes, Candra, yes. He knew she was near and that God was preparing her too. He was waiting for her with the same excitement and intensity. I would love for her to have known that.

But we can’t go back to yesterday. The right thing for us is to make the best of today and not take it for granted. Every morning when I rise, I ask God to help me live the best life I can live. My heart is fixed to walk close to the savior so that I have no regrets.

Perchance it was needful for me to feel what I felt, to be unsure, and to be tempted and tried. Yes, all of who I am today is due to lessons learned in my past. We cannot have a testimony until we first go through a test. There is no provision to travel back in time, but I can lend my voice right now. It’s too late to encourage the Candra of the past, but not too late for you today.

Live an awesome Christian single life, today.

Love, Candra.


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23 thoughts on “A Visit With The Single Me

  1. What a great article – thanks Candra. I have recently been feeling very much like you describe yourself when you were still ‘waiting’ and it is so encouraging just to know that other single girls feel the same…and I will try to learn the things you wish you could have told your single self! 🙂 xax

    1. Thank you Anna!I have been amazed at how many single guys and gals I’m meeting who are all going through similar things. I thought I was the only one. 🙂 Keep smiling!

  2. Thank you AGAIN Candra for your encouragement! I was particularly encouraged to hear that your husband was anticipating meeting you just as much as you were him. I often wonder if the man God has for me is thinking of me and is just as excited to meet me 🙂 If the Lord leads, I’ld like to hear more about your hubby and his testimony. Thank you again for your transparency and helping your single sisters obey our Father and run this race with endurance. I recently have been also looking into the challenges of marriage by reading materials as well as testimonials from others. This has been helping me to have a more realisitic view of marriage, but of course one cannot really know until you have the experience. I’m sure all of the character building God did in you during your singleness is coming in mighty handy during your marriage 🙂 God Bless!

    1. God bless you Nicole! I encourage all singles to do all they can to prepare for marriage. I took a marriage class and it has helped me so much. Marriage can be a challenge.

      I’m preparing to do an interview with my hubby this week! My goal is to record and publish that podcast by the weekend. I asked him if he could share the male point of view of waiting on the Lord for marriage. Most readers here are women, but we can’t leave the men out! 🙂 I hope you can listen in. I’ll likely write a follow up blog post as well. Thank you as always for reading and sharing!

  3. Oh Candra, My dear sister in Christ! You almost reduced me to tears! This is such a beautiful letter to us single gals. God does care and he wants us to lean on Him. We are so precious in His sight; in the good times and especially the bad times. My prayer is that I and others would learn to reach up to Him and not sink into self pity. This reminds me of what pastor Chip Ingram of Living on the Edge Ministries said today in his broadcast, ” I am awesome in God’s sight.” If only we can truly see that we are so awesome in His sight that He will not rush anything, but will take all the time necessary to bring us nothing short of wonderful.

    God Bless,
    Marshae (Shae)

    1. Hi Shae! Amen to your comment! We are awesome to God. His love is excellent! And I love your statement that we should reach up to Him and not sink in self pity. I pray that we all practice this always! Thank you for your inspiring words sis!

  4. I can’t even begin to describe what this blog means to me! I am speechless at how God uses our pain, and our tears, and our regrets to comfort others sharing similar struggles. You did not cry in vain, for your pain soothed my hurting spirit.

    It’s been a hard week, as I recently found out my ex-fiancee is now engaged again(good old facebook.) I was devastated, and was tempted to reconnect with a guy I knew I was not good for me. I’m so happy to report I resisted the temptation, and instead received a hug from the Lord, courtesy of your blog.

    I also received a slight kick in the butt, and realized that throwing a pity party is not an option. I can’t wait to go out and start living for God, instead of living in the past as I had been.
    Thank you for sharing these poignant words!

    1. Hi Shannon! Thank you for bringing sunshine to my Monday morning! 🙂 I praise God for blessing you to overcome temptation and for igniting a joyful spark! I felt your energy and determination as I read your comment. It feels great to get in line with God’s will knowing how much He loves us! Take God’s blessing of life and live the best single life you can. Who knows…you’re single life may not last very long! 😉 Live for Jesus and enjoy the benefits!

  5. My name is Nancy i need husband i hate the life of loneliness i will be glad if you help me to publish my message to the news papers
    am 24years single
    I’m looking for love with someone really serious for relationship that will lead to marriage
    attach here are my photos
    my contact Email nancybest4ever@yahoo.com

  6. That was very inspirational. I’ve had those times (many times) where I’ve found myself wondering when and if God really has someone for me. Throughout those times, I try to tell myself that this time is for me to find me…who I am, what I like, instead of filling time with worries of tomorrow. It’s helped alot to know that all the women in the Bible were busy doing something pleasing to God when they were found by their husbands. I just can’t help to wonder if it’s possible for me to be so busy that I miss out on the man God has for me. Many men approach and I begin thinking the what if’s instead of concentrating on me and what I’m supposed to be doing. Thank you for your words of encouragement because they really do bring a glimmer of hope into other single women’s lives. You are truly a blessing and today you are my confirmation to stay busy because the man for me will find me even on my busiest day if God sends him. Thanks again!

    1. I agree. I don’t believe singles can be so busy, that the one God has kept for them passes them by. One way or another God gets our attention. (Smile) He will bless faithfulness.

  7. Dis nice.am highly inpress 4dis massage nd dis 2 tell d world dat God of Abraham nd dat of Issac is still alive,nd Gods time is d best.DIS MY LITTLE ADVICE,”MAKE HALES WHILE D SUN SHINES”

  8. Dear Candra,

    I praise God for using you as His mouthpiece of comfort, peace and love.

    I am currently undergoing a crisis of belief after what has happened to me. I am still pressing on with the fight asking God to reveal Himself to me and for Him to show me His glory.

    Thank you for your message of hope. It has uplifted my spirits.

    God bless you!

  9. I think we all have our own share of regrets and wishing to change our past. I know I have and that’s why I can relate to this post haha! But thanks be to God for where we are now. Despite the mistakes we made, He still gave us a chance to choose Him over our own selfish nature. God bless you!

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