Getting Over a Crush

Getting Over a Crush

For some, crushes are harmless emotions. For them, getting over a crush happens within a reasonable amount of time. Or if the interest is mutual, a healthy relationship could transpire.

But what do you do if feelings of admiration and desire are not mutual. It feels like love. You think of that person all of the time.

In spite of the hearts resistance to let go, it is important to gain control of how you feel. Otherwise a simple “crush” can transpire into heartbreaking desperation that crushes our spirit.

Depending on the emotional investment, getting over a crush may not come easily. There are days when it seems as impossible as trapping the water of the ocean in a single bottle.

How does a mature Christian woman find herself in a “crushing” predicament? How does she make her way through the tangled web of feelings? 

Getting over a crush

My Crush Story

I let my emotions and hunger for romance get the best of me. The pressure to be married by a certain age only fueled the urgency to have a boyfriend.

When I saw him, my heart focused to see and hear what I wanted. I wanted to see his eyes gazing in my direction. I hoped for love tones in his voice when he spoke to me.  

I wanted these things so much that at times I thought I actually saw them. Or perhaps he was just being flirtatious… either way, his feelings were not genuine or mutual. He only wanted to be friends.

It was not the love I wanted. I waited for years for something to happen with him, for something to change.  

He didn’t like me in “that way”.  We never discussed it. I never opened up about how I was feeling. In my case I never found it necessary because his actions were clear enough. The downfall was that my pain and disappointment hurt all the same.

Although a lot of men lead women on (sometimes without realizing it), I could never blame him for doing the same. He was a genuinely kind person, which by the way, made it hard for me to get over my crush.

He was a special friend but not my husband to be. The one God kept for me turned out to be another. 

Be encouraged that there is one who will love you beyond your dreams. The closer you get to getting over a crush the closer you get to finding him. 

{Abundantly You Book Read [Breaking Unhealthy Soul-Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy?]}

For many years all I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. And like Sarah and Abraham I tried to help God

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answer my prayer.

If you are praying today for God to help you get over a crush, have faith and let God do the work. Take a stand and create boundaries to guard your heart.

The start of getting over a crush is heartbreaking but at the finish line are blessings without sorrow.   

Falling for someone who does not feel the same about us happens sometimes. It is nothing to feel guilty about. It happens. You see someone who seems to fit all that you want in a man and feelings are born.

But getting over a crush means being prayerful about the feelings you have. The lines between our desire and divine revelation are blurred unless we walk in the Holy Spirit.

Getting over a crush means understanding how valuable you are and how much you mean to God.

Getting over a crush requires guarding your heart and taking captive your every thought. If not careful, you will find yourself planning your entire future with someone you barely know.  

In tears I resolved to get over him. Ironically it seemed that our paths then crossed less and less. When I sincerely wanted to let go, God helped me.   

If you are depressed about having a crush or tempted to use manipulation to gain someone’s love, stop where you are. Seek God with an open heart. If necessary, seek godly counsel from a minister or friend.  

Love yourself enough to let go and trust GOD. He will answer your prayer at the perfect time. 

[Abundantly You Book Read {Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God by Sheila Walsh}]

One day I heard the news that he was getting married. I was ready for panic and tears but they never surfaced. I didn’t realize until then how God exchanged my pain  for peace. It truly was a divine process. I could not have done it without God.

Having faith in God is essential to getting over a crush.  

I gave him opportunities to approach me. I smiled and laughed at his jokes. Surely he got the hint. But so did I. As much as I felt that I could have loved him, he was not the one God kept for me. 

 

Candra Evans

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
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28 thoughts on “Getting Over a Crush

    1. I pray that you may give your total heart (mind) to Jesus leaving no space for the crush that is keeping you from overcoming and moving forward. I asked myself this question…”Is desiring him worth the pain that you feel right now?” …It was difficult to answer but I came to these terms. He was not worth my heart breaking everyday. I could no longer esteem a man who did not love me over a God who did and always will. My crush on him was stealing from my relationship with Christ. It consumed my thoughts and made me less fit for God’s use.

      Be encouraged. Time and the love and grace of God will get you through this.

      1. I wish every teen in Nigeria will read this message,i have sent it to my friends on whatsapp and i know God will touch their hearts.most people have crushes and them they go into a relationship(unholy).They need to know how to deal with their crushes. Hmmm very good message.

  1. Wow, people have it bad with crushes huh?
    I guess what helps a bit is always trying to focus our everything to God, glorifying Him in all that we do. At the same time praying for yourself to love God above all that He has created, and also praying for this guy you have a crush on to grow stronger in Christ, and for other brothers in Christ so that your focus is not only on that guy but all your brothers in Christ. That also in your interaction with him, you may be pointing him and others to the cross and not to yourself.

    May God’s grace cover you always…

  2. But it’s… it’s been 8 years. 8 years… I hate to say that, I really do. 8 years of being in love with someone who sees you as a last resort when they are bored (as in, to talk to, nothing else). I’m scared. I’m so scared no amount of time or prayer is going to fix this. What if this is my cancer? My chronic pain? What if this is something I’m going to have to deal with till I die? I tried the whole dating someone else thing. It felt like a total lie and I had to stop. I keep asking to be happy, but I feel like that day will never come.

    I mean, I guess logically I know it will. No one stays like this forever. It’s not like I have a unique case or anything. It just… it hurts so much all the time, but just the thought of walking away for good hurts so much more. Because he does make me happy. And I don’t mean my image of him in my head. No, I mean him just being him makes me so happy that I forget everything else (well, except God. God has been a constant companion of my thoughts recently which is awesome!!). I just… I guess I know what I have to do, but…

    Well, maybe I’m just too stubborn to let go and let God take over everything.

    1. Thank you so much reading Nikki!

      Eight years is a long time to invest in something that is causing you pain and not making you happy. The “thought” of walking away for good may hurt more, but it will be temporary. As you make a change and invest more time in God and yourself, you will find strength and security. And since walking away is only a thought for now, you may find it to less painful than you imagine. It’s very empowering to take control of your happiness and not leave it in the hands of others. We can’t give people that kind of power.

      It’s liberating to put your heart in the hands of God and believe in Him with all of your being. Faith in God equals freedom from the cancer that hurts you so deeply.

      Sometimes we get impatient during the process of finding someone new. Too quickly we give up on God’s best and cling to the cancerous thing just to say we’re not single…just because it’s familiar. The men that many of us find ourselves crushing over are good men…otherwise we wouldn’t desire them. But it doesn’t mean they are good men for us. I prayed and asked God for love and marriage. When I thought it was taking too long, I picked out my own dream man. The end of it was pain. Years later, God picked out my Boaz and I have never been happier. My husband pursued me first. He loves me tenderly. This kind of relationship is worth waiting for. You are worth the wait Sis. Go ahead, and let God take over “everything”. Be free. Be healed. 🙂

      ~Candra

  3. Thank you for sharing this beautiful article. I have been crushing hard on someone and it died, at least I thought, until I recently befriended a mutual friend of this individual. The friendship was not intentional or an act of manipulation. I sincerely prayed to the Lord for godly connections and when we spoke I had an agreement in my spirit, but then I found out she serves in this person’s ministry, but she’s not crushing on them like me because she’s married. I don’t know how many times I have prayed for the Lord to take this desire away from me, but I know it’s been more than once. As much as I want to believe it is a divine connection, I am sure it’s my crazy emotions. I’m grateful for the things the Lord is teaching me in it, but it does not stop my infatuation for this individual. Why does he have to be what I desire in a husband? I’ve only met him once and he eagerly offered to help with my parents ministry when we met, which gave me a peak at his kind heart. In a few weeks, upon my friends invite, I’m supposed to visit his ministry soon to help support. So, you can imagine I am a bowl of pudding. I am encouraged by your words to regain my focus on the Lord. I’m such a hopeful romantic and consider my heart to be very tender. I’d rather not hope, than to hope and be disappointed. My crushes normally crush me, so I am praying I overcome really fast before my feelings get hurt.

    1. Your story sounds much like mine. I too am a hopeful romantic. 🙂 It is hard to not focus on the one man who seems to have all you desire in a husband, but God is not limited in His supply of the things we desire. Your love story could bloom from anywhere! 🙂 Keep seeking God’s direction and He will see you through your visit to your friend’s ministry. Do not be anxious for anything. God has placed a desire in you to be married and it is not in vain. There always seems to be purpose tied to Christian marriages. When all of those pieces come together, it will be the right time and all that you desire.

      1. Thank you Sis. Candra for the words of the encouragement. I see now I have been operating from a scarcity mindset, but as you said in God’s time he will grant my hearts desire, so I don’t have to be anxious about anything. God bless you!

  4. Thank you for sharing this. I want to open my heart fully to God. Your post means the world to me right now 🙂 I hope you continue to encourage people through your beautiful writing.

  5. I have been in love with a guy for 3 yrs now. He has so many qualities that I like. In those few moments that I met with him I realised that he is someone who respects people,he is kind,he has good morals . I think about him everyday and its painful when you want something really bad but it seems to be avoiding you so much. He once was very interested in me but I was young and I was not ready to get in a relationship and also I was just not interested in him but then feelings just came from nowhere and now I spent hours everyday stalking him on facebook and twitter. I have tried to deny it so many times but I can’t avoid it. I even fasted about it, for God to help me forget but still this guy haunts me everyday. I am 24 yrs now and I have never had a boyfriend. I am waiting for that one man whom God has in store for me.
    I need God to help so that I can move on. I am so confused right now.

    1. Thank you for commenting and sharing your story. I pray that God will bless your heart to be content and that you will soon discover the answers to your questions. God always finds a way to communicate His will for our lives. It may be through prayer, through His Word or through a person. Keep your heart open and know that all of your blessings will find you as you remain in His will. Whether it is this man or another, true love will not escape you.

  6. Thanks a lot, this was really super helpful….From now on, I’m just going to let God take charge, no matter how hard it may seem.

  7. I want to be fully lost in God (or rather, found–haha) but my day seems to be caught up in daydreaming about how a relationship COULD be with a young man I met years ago who recently resurfaced. Never really talked to the man, but everyone talks about how accomplished and dedicated he is to God. He turned down fame for God with his talents, he is handsome and seems like he hits all the marks….but that’s the issue with it– I’m making him into an idol. I’m creating an image of perfection that he ISN’T. I KNOW THIS, but I can’t seem to reverse and get out of it. I want to forget him, but I wonder if he came to my attention again for a reason. I DID pray to God that he would show me who I would marry. What if it IS him? I want to forget him, but I really don’t as well. I don’t know what to do…….

    1. First, don’t be so hard on yourself. The desire for a relationship and the feelings that come with being attracted to someone are normal and natural. God knows how to speak to the hearts of His children and give confirmation that will direct us clearly. If you are still unsure what you should do, then remain lost (and found) in God. 😉
      If this man or another has a romantic interest in you, it is common that he will clearly show it. With most good things, we have to be patient. It’s frustrating and difficult sometimes but yielding to God’s plan works best for us in the end. Trust God for your love story. In the meantime, live life abundantly. You’re worth it girl! 🙂

  8. Hey,
    I’m part of the worship team and I’ve been a child of God for more than a year now. I think now a year ago (or close to it) in the same church I met a young man who God used him in prophecy, at the time I was just getting back into Gods path and underwent deliverance and etc. anyways we met and we talked, it got to the point where we would stay up all night talking and he would tell me not to get off the phone. He’s a sincere, honest, respectful and faithful to God man. Given 100% to the service to God as I had dedicated my life as well. Anyways he told me he liked me and all that but we were both waiting for an answer from God to proceed. We knew we needed to grow and all that but we couldn’t help but like each other.
    One day God told me as I saw him dance in the spirit to “let him go” it wasn’t in a final tone but it was soft and firm. God ended up telling him as well.
    We confirmed this to each other and we decided we needed to let this go and Grow in God. It wasn’t easy, I had grown up with a lot of emotional pain and my heart was in the process of restoration, he knew that and so did God.
    God knew what he was doing frankly. It was hard for him and me to weene off each other but one day he cut all communication with me and that’s when it really hit me. For months we didn’t talk or look at each other, we barely said God Bless you but now it’s been… 6-7 months and we’ve talked now but things aren’t the same.
    My heart has finally reached the point of just wanting to be friends and to be treated equally as the rest of my brothers and sisters at church but to be honest without God having my heart I would’ve been left majorly heartbroken.
    Now as I mentioned I’m trying to be friends but it recognize that I still like him. How can I not? I can say that some day he’ll have a wife and that doesn’t affect me but to actually have my heart let go is the battle I’m in now. It’s gotten to the point that I’m finally trying to let go and this guy is not realizing it but he puts me in a separate category and treats me differently when all I want is to let go and to be “normal.
    I don’t know what to do. I want to be treated equally as everyone else and talk normally but I want him to know that I’m not that same person anymore and I’m trying to move on to focus completely on God.
    Lord this is hard.

    1. Given how close you both have been in the past, it could be that he is also unsure of how to move on as just friends. You’ve had a close relationship and I’m sure you shared a lot with each other. You have seen a part of his heart that others have not seen.
      So in a sense I guess that will put you in a different category in his life. But it is certainly not a “less special” category. You are indeed special.
      The best way to understand his actions is to pray, and then communicate with him. But first, I would pray to sort out my own feelings and come to a firm resolve of where I stood. That may take some time, but take all the time you need to find your own healing and peace in God first. Be solid in your emotions and find peace in your own heart before worrying about how he treats you compared to others. Don’t allow the actions of others to disturb your peace and purpose in God.
      At the end of the day, God will sort it all out and order your steps perfectly by the power of the Holy Spirit.
      Blessings!

      1. Thank You so much!
        It’s been a back and forth and we’ve struggled a lot, He’s told the pastors wife that he doesn’t want me to have any false hopes. God never gave us an answer on whether it was a yes or a no. So I understand. In my mind and reasoning I have given up but the heart has a small strand of hope. I’ve been growing in God and since I’m a very passionate person I let it get the best of me. So thank you so much for your reply!

  9. Well I am really inspired at least now I know how to overcome crushes thanks to everyone who posted may the goods Lord bless you all.

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