Abstinence: Finding Contentment

Is is nearly impossible for me to address every aspect of abstinence and Christianity in one blog post.  So for the next few weeks, I would like to park here on the subject of sex and the Christian single woman.

There seems to be a growing apathetic attitude toward the practice of abstinence.  The authority of God’s Word is rejected.  The world’s standard is embraced to the point that it now seems okay for Christians to have sex before marriage.

My “true love waits” mission began a few weeks ago.  A cousin recently connected me with another Christian writer and we agreed to meet weekly and exchange excerpts of each other’s works.  Last week I presented a chapter from my book that pertained to sexual purity.

This opened a door to a discussion about the practice of abstinence in the church.  My intent is to write to an audience of women who are believers in Christ and abstaining from sex.  Our discussion prompted me to rethink the true identity of my prospective readers.

Exactly how many Christian single women fall into this category?

Are they believers in Christ Jesus?  Yes!  

 Are they practicing abstinence?  Well… probably 85% of them… or umm… 70%… let’s see… 40% of them?? 

The more we thought about women we knew (both young and old), who are having premarital sex on purpose, the more I began to be both unsure and disheartened.  Today’s generation is facing a hard battle with sex and many of us are not winning.

Not all are losing the battle, praise God.  There are purity groups thriving in our communities, churches, and even on college campuses.  Not to mention sole individuals who are sold out for Jesus and know that their temple is not their own.

Yet, scores of Christian women are not practicing abstinence.  They’re not even giving it the good old college try.

So how are we as Christians so overwhelmed and overcome by sexual sins?  We could get real preachy and post 20+ Bible verses about fornication, but I’m not so certain that a lack of Bible knowledge is the problem.  We hear the Word of God.  We read it.  We often quote it.  Yet, are we content with it?

There was a time when it was strongly desired to be chaste and meek; in other words, like Christ.  Some have lost satisfaction with this kind of living.  Perhaps it is an effect of the microwave generation.

Although the blessings of the Lord makes us rich and adds no sorrow (Proverbs 10:22), we simply can’t wait for it.  So we settle for less quality solutions to satisfy our discontentment.

On our journey to find love, discontentment seems to come so easily.  When our soul is not loving God first, we cater too much to our carnal appetite; causing abstinence to feel more like a burden than a blessing.  Restlessness leads us to make rash decisions and move solely on our emotions.  Taking action based on discontentment usually leads to more discontentment.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6) 

If we feel a lack of affirmation, comfort, stability, acceptance, or plain old happiness; sex is often used as a quick fix.  Sex feels good.  It is supposed to feel that way.  Yet sex, as wonderful as it feels, does not promise affirmation, comfort, stability, acceptance, or happiness.  We as Christian women need more than a good roll around in the sheets to feel whole.  A multitude of orgasms can not please the restlessness that only Christ can.

The Apostle Paul said that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in.  He found a peace within himself that gave him control over his emotions and actions.  Trusting God is key to finding contentment with our sexuality.  Let us be content with God for what He has done and will do.  Marriage will come and the pleasure of sex will follow.

We will reach contentment when we yield and say yes to God.  We can make the choice today to relax and be settled with our current state, agreeing with God and His promises.  He knows the struggles we face and when the time is perfect, He will open doors to the blessings you really want for your life.

Love, marriage, and

the “cookie”.

For my next post I will look at reasons why waiting and practicing abstinence is a better life choice for the Christian single.  We shouldn’t have to fully expose our bodies to feel secure in our beauty or be promiscuous to prove that we can be as resilient as the boys.

Subscribe and stay tuned.  You do not want to miss it.

And before moving forward, I would like to deject attempts to stereotype or generalize.  This is not a platform for trashing God, the church, or His Word.  This is not a platform for the believer or unbeliever to throw stones.  When we see an imperfection in the body of Christ, let’s minister together to bring healing.  We have all found ourselves falling short and in sin.  We all need forgiveness.

Let us pray for a purity revival!


In the meantime check out this beautiful site… I am Worth the Wait“. 

I have found it to be inspiring and I am sure you will too.  Aren’t you worth the wait?  Well, of course you are! 😉

All my love,



10 thoughts on “Abstinence: Finding Contentment

  1. Thanks so much for “keepin it real”! I have been blessed to have been practicing abstinence for 7 years now and although it’s been no easy feat I think there are some things that have helped me along the way. 1. Submitting to God. 2. Accountability 3. Staying in community (which goes along with #2). 4. Humility (which also goes along with #2). Many of my close friends are virgins and living surrendered lives to God. As we cross the threshold of “30” (we are in our late 20s and early 30s) God shows His sustaining power. He is truly our strength where we are weak. Also, so good to see you and Dr. Lindsey partnering together to release light to the body of Christ and the world. God bless!!

    1. Excellent points! We are even stronger in Christ when we unify and agree with each other for victory! And I was blessed to connect with Dr. Lindsey on Twitter. Her story is one I had to share!

      God bless you!

  2. Awesome!! I think you have hit the nail on the head with this one Candra! We saved ladies need this…love this excerpt from your post:

    “If we feel a lack of affirmation, comfort, stability, acceptance, or plain old happiness; sex is often used as a quick fix. Sex feels good. It is supposed to feel that way. Yet sex, as wonderful as it feels, does not promise affirmation, comfort, stability, acceptance, or happiness. We as Christian women need more than a good roll around in the sheets to feel whole. A multitude of orgasms can not please the restlessness that only Christ can. ”

    thanks and God Bless!!

    1. Thanks Marshae, I hope so. This is not the most popular subject to blog about, but God wants us to be free from sins and weights that so easily besets us.

  3. this was awesome, as a single woman of God abstinence is a struggle, I am constantly praying for God to strengthen me in this area, ans although it has not been as long as I would have liked it to be, i am still hopeful…Question? where can i find the rest of this..

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