How I Put Fun Back Into A First Date

For years I was not very open to the idea of dating.  Instead I hoped that my dream man would fall from the sky and say, “Yes, it’s me.  I’m the one you’ve been looking for.  Look no further.  Let’s go fall in love and get hitched.” (Smile)

Then my pastor told me that if I was serious about courtship and marriage, I needed to get out and mingle.  This did not mean go on a man hunt and lasso a man that met my fancy.  He simply encouraged me to, in a matter of speaking, make myself known by meeting new people.

My first experiences with dating again (as a Christian) were not pleasurable for me.  I turned dating into a series of life or death moments.  My expectations were outrageously too high. 

If it seemed a man had potential, I wanted fireworks and a promise to love me forever before the first date ended.  Through the course of a date I would agonize over…. Is he the one?  Will we make a love connection?  Will my family like him?  Is he willing to relocate?  I thoroughly took all the fun out of dating. 

I was a silly little thing, wasn’t I? (Smile)

Dating can be a pleasurable experience if you remove unnecessary pressure.  When I learned to loosen up and relax, I was able to enjoy dating and meeting new people.  But you don’t want to get too loose ladies. (Wink) 

On my first date with Ron, I was excited to go out after a long day at work and have a nice dinner.  I did not look to him to be my knight in shining armor or the answer to my lonesome nights.

We had some of the best soul food in town and spent the entire night talking, laughing, and sharing our dreams.  We had so much fun together that planning a second date was the only obvious choice.

So whatever you decide to do on your first date, stop and smell the roses.  Enjoy the food if you’re dining out.  Let the actors capture your attention if you’re going to the theater.  Cheer and clap loudly if you’re first date is an NBA game.  Enjoy thoughtful conversations.  Share corny jokes and laugh. 

In other words, have some fun already.  Enjoy the occasion and the opportunity to get to know someone.  If it leads to love, to God be the glory.  If it leads to friendship, to God be the glory.


What is your approach to a first date?  Are you easy going or are you consumed with thoughts of ‘I hope he’s the one’?


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6 thoughts on “How I Put Fun Back Into A First Date

  1. Thanks for sharing. At this point I know I’m not ready to start dating again. It’s just not the right time. When I do start I hope I take the same approach as you and just have fun!

    1. Excellent point… it is good to know when you are ready. Although dating should be enjoyable it should also take place as led by God. Thank you for sharing wonderful wisdom!

  2. good food for thought here, I am more open to the idea of dating now than I have been in the past. Before I would also place tons of pressure on the gentleman and myself. This approach caused a lot of anxiety for me…I am learning to relax now and also learning how to intentionally slow the pace when getting to know someone new. This gives me the opportunity to really hear what the Holy Spirit is saying regarding my potential suitor.

  3. I can relate absolutely with this. It got to a point when I banned myself from dates because I came back more frustrated due to my many huge expectations and unrealistic thoughts.

    This is beautiful wisdom for happier dates (when necessary)!

    Dating shouldn’t be an end in itself plus I agree that we ladies shouldn’t be loose.

    Thank you!

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