He Married Someone Else

He Married Someone Else

For i know the plans I have for you married*This guest post was written by DD, blogger and creator of Singles Redeemed.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11 (NIV)

The face of the man in the car that pulled into my driveway was a familiar one. He was a leader in my church, just like me. He was someone I’d known for nearly seven years. And seven months earlier, he was the man I thought I was going to marry.

I had already picked out a wedding reception spot, created a budget and collected photos of dresses, flowers and party favors. I’d all but named our future children and visualized the rocking chairs we’d sit on as we grew old together.

But on that afternoon recently, there he was, in my driveway – married to someone else who was now pregnant with his baby.

Navigating through single-hood can at times be trying even without the pain of a failed relationship. But for those of us who God has saved from settling for less than His best along the way, watching people we nearly married go on to wed and have children can force us to confront feelings of self-doubt and deep insecurity.

Despite all the red flags and signs God showed me that this person was wrong for me, seeing him with his wife at church every Sunday started me on a tortuous cycle of second-guessing.

The worst part about this mental prison was that it was one of my own making. So afraid of the prospect of being alone, I’d put all my energies into trying to make work a relationship that didn’t fit.  When it became unbearable I’d walked away, hoping that it would only be temporary and God would “fix it.” Two months later he was married. 

That alone should have been a sign to me that I’d made the right choice, right? Not me. I wondered “what if?”

What if I had accepted his marriage proposal? Sure, he’d told me that he wasn’t in love with me, but maybe after we got married he would grow to love me? He’d promised that the problems we had would get better after we got married, and though I believed the way he and his wife had married was unhealthy, she certainly seemed as happy as could be, especially with the baby on the way. So maybe…

The reality of the situation was that after years of praying, maintaining purity and keeping my hands at work in God’s Kingdom while vowing to wait on my “Boaz,” I had been so anxious to have a husband that I’d put my heart on sale. I was willing to give myself away for cheap. 

Even when God intervened to give me another chance to wait on His best, I was still looking back and kicking myself for not settling!

Why couldn’t I just let it go?

I asked God this question one morning, and He spoke this answer into my heart. 

If you only knew the future I have in store for you, He said, you wouldn’t worry about what’s going on right now.

I began to cry, half out of gratitude and half out of repentance. I realized that my future – including whether I marry or not – is of more concern to God than it will ever be to me.

No matter our individual issues – even the ones produced out of our shortcomings and bad decisions – God loves us and still wants His best for us. If we want to live according to His will, we must also want His best – the expected end – for ourselves. 

I thought of this when the man I’d nearly married recently saw me headed home and followed me there. The last time we’d talked, I’d tried to approach him, shocked after I heard he was married and doubtful it was even true. He responded by reminding me I’d broken up with him and said I was making a fool of myself.

So when he pulled into my driveway after days trying to reach me by phone, I avoided the contact and walked away. Turns out, according to a later voice-mail he left me, he’d wanted to apologize for the way things turned out.

I eventually replied with a text message saying that I accepted his apology and forgave him.

It took a while for my emotions to catch up with that text, and even longer to forgive myself and unravel the mindsets that led to my choices.  

The start of my blog, Singles Redeemed, is reflective of this journey as well as the path to wholeness that God desires for all of us.

No matter our pasts, or what decisions we’ve made, God desires for all of us to be whole. More importantly, He wants us to realize that we don’t have to take the journey alone. All we have to do is stop looking around, and look up. 

-DD

 

DD is the creator of the soon coming singles blog Singles Redeemed.  Subscribe to her blog for more of her story and inspiration.  Feel free to leave her a comment down below or contact her by email at singlesredeemed@gmail.com.

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Interesting Reads…

Who Has Your Heart? The Single Woman’s Pursuit of Godliness
Not a Fan: Becoming a Completely Committed Follower of Jesus
Encouragement Changes Everything: Bless and Be Blessed
Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life

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14 thoughts on “He Married Someone Else

  1. My heart is near and dear to this post as the author’s experience mirrors so many of my own and those close to me. God is truly near the broken hearted and when you see a man you thought you would marry be married to someone else that qualifies for heartbreak. We are a brave lot single women of the Most High. Whether it was His perfect will or a result of statistics Christ is using this season to cultivate bravery in us. Thank you for sharing DD. May He give you and so many like you the desire if your heart. SHALOM

    1. Thanks for your thoughtful response Nicole. Yes, indeed, I believe that singleness at times requires acts of bravery. I also think that I’m now greater acquainted with how truly sweet it is to trust in God, and maybe in this instance He had to bring me to a place where I had no other choice but to trust Him.

      1. Truly it takes bravery to charter forward into unknown territory otherwise known as God’s will when it seems like if we stay where we are we will have our heart’s desire met. But as with Abraham I believe if we move forward and walk by faith we will discover the fulfillment of not just God’s promises to us but His promises to the generations to come.

  2. This blog entry sounds as if I could have written it myself. I have asked God so many times why people I date seem to end up married to someone else almost a year later. Yes, as always, God reminds me of his protective nature and how much He loves me by closing those doors. Yet, like the writer, every now and then, I question myself, like “What was wrong with me?” and “Am I not worthy to have a husband?” God reminds me to keep Him, and Him alone as my focus, and He will work everything out according to His plan and will. I love what God spoke to you, DD, and I feel blessed that you shared your story with us because there is comfort in knowing that my sisters-in-Christ and I are in this journey together.

    1. Thanks, I take comfort in your words as well. I think a big turning point in situations like these is in the quality of questions we ask ourselves. Instead of asking what’s wrong with me (which I did!), I now ask myself what mindsets led me to make the choices I made. I believe breaking our potentially destructive mindsets surrounding our single journeys becomes both an act of self-love and good stewardship over the season we’re in. God bless! -DD

  3. Thank you DD for this powerful post and thank you ladies for sharing your comments! This testimony touches the deepest part of my heart. I am receiving messages on Twitter about how relative her story is to so many women. Let’s tweet and share this victorious testimony with others. Love you ladies!!!

  4. What a powerful testimony and message that all unmarried women need to hear! Bless you for sharing! God’s plans for your life are more than you ever expect, and He will use you in amazing ways!

  5. I have just overcome a similar situation, only while we have been together for three years he was planning his wedding, he broke the news to me in June the 22nd and on the 10th of October was his wedding day. I have never been this “heart bokenly” gobsmacked in my entire life. The pain (and every other emotion in between) is indescribable. However, with all of this, God said to me the same thing, he showed me visions, told me that he has a better life in store for me, God also communicated during a period of fasting and praying that it isnt even about the person (that hurt you or the one you will marry) but its more about His purpose for your life and the glory that is to follow, half the time it doesn’t seem like it but we live by faith and not by sight, I will stagger not at God’s promise. There is no one I trust more than the Almighty and for us those that love and trust Him all things work together for good. I will not be distracted and discouraged, I will continue to live by Matthew 6:33. We should not find ourselves too bothered the by “things of the world” but rather delights ourselves in the Lord, He knows our hearts desires, needs and wants and He is faithful to fulfill them. Thank you and God bless you for your story/testimony.

  6. This was an awesome testimony. I know the heartbreak involved could’ve been enough to destroy you but God can take that pain and use it for His purpose. I know this to be so true as someone who has gone through a divorce and is in a very complicated co-parenting situation.

    It is in our testimonies that others see the redeeming, saving and transformative power of the Holy Spirit. I Thessalonians 5:18 says “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” This thinking is so radical and so crazy and it’s hard to walk out sometimes but greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. Our battles belong to the Lord. When people hurt us to the deepest parts of our core, and they will, we know that Jesus will never leave us or forsake us. God bless you sis. Keep sharing.

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