A Father’s Love & How It Impacts Relationships by Clarence Shuler.
“A girl never recovers from losing or not having a good father,” said a young single businesswoman, possibly in her thirties. She connected it to her promiscuity—looking for love in all the wrong places. She felt she didn’t have protection, nor a model or guide as to what a good man is. Girls without live-in dads are the first targets for boys only wanting sex and no relationship. Typically, a live-in dad is a girl’s best and first line of defense against such boys.
Absentee fathers can create relationship issues for many singles. Numerous single women who grew up without a father in the home have shared with me, their feelings of being abandoned, uncared for, and unprotected. To compensate for this, many developed tough exteriors and became so self-sufficient, controlling and independent that they give guys the impression that they aren’t welcome in their lives. And guys need some type of welcome sign to approach a woman. Men can have these same feelings and resulting behaviors, but seldom have a safe place to share them with anyone—so most men keep their feelings to themselves.
Men have shared with me that not having a father to model life for them has resulted in their immaturity, insecurity, disdain for authority, and not knowing how to treat and keep a woman. These men say that getting sex isn’t a problem (ladies—it should be—don’t become a Back Pocket Girl, a girl a guy can get any time. Guys love pursuing girls who are hard to get—this is how guys learn to respect you), but they are clueless in developing a friendship, a companionship and commitment. Many of these men have said they feel guilty about the sex and it really isn’t that fulfilling because it is not in the context of a relationship or marriage.
So ladies, when you begin dating a guy, one of the first things you want to know at least by the second date is about his relationship with his father. His answer may save you from future heartache.
As a father, the young single businesswoman’s statement was unforgettable! With my twins now 24 years old and my youngest, 23 years old, hopefully, I’d have been a good father without hearing that single businesswoman’s statement, but it serves as a constant reminder of my responsibility.
Living with my wife and three daughters made me the minority in their sorority. A mother’s touch is essential, but so is a father’s. They taught me that non-sexual hugs give them security, makes them happy, feel loved, and valued. Non-sexually hugging my girls throughout their lives has given them self-confidence and security. They aren’t defined by their relationship status, so they don’t have to settle for or rush into a questionable relationship by lowering their standards.
My girls expect me to evaluate their dates. They demand that I pray for their future husbands. A time-tested truth is that girls tend to marry men like their fathers.
Good fathers usually help girls avoid feeling they are not worthy of a good relationship. An inadequacy attitude often leads to dysfunctional relationships based on neediness, which is really selfishness. Selfishness destroys relationships. Mutually beneficial biblical relationships are based on giving, not getting. And if you give, you’ll usually receive. In biblical relationships, you choose to give, you aren’t forced to give.
As a father and male, I realize “I’m one of them-a man.” My girls see it as a plus because they can get inside information. They initiate discussing the men in their lives.
As a father who loves his daughters and their mother, has resulted in my girls, not being perfect (I’m far from it), but in understanding their self-worth (not self-worship) because they are created in God’s image. So they aren’t rushing into unhealthy relationships, then, having to rush out of them.
Waiting for God’s Best hasn’t necessarily been easy for them, if He has a Best for them. But they have peace of mind and are emotionally and spiritually healthy for when and if God puts them in a serious dating relationship or a marriage He wants to last a lifetime.
What if you didn’t have a dad? Is it too late to experience a healing father’s love? No. There are some great older grandfather types possibly at your church who would love adding you to there list of children or grandchildren. Unfortunately, in our day, you must check them out.
If you know God as your father—He can heal you if you will by faith open yourself up to Him. The more time you spend with Him, the better you’ll know His voice and the better you’ll come to know yourself. And He won’t disappoint you!
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