Text Yes for Premarital Sex? We Must Do Better.

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Text Yes for Premarital Sex? We Must Do Better. 

The other morning I was listening to Roland Martin’s radio show. He reported a story about a mother who gave her son advice to protect him while having premarital sex. She advised her son to get prior approval, via text message, before having sex with a young lady. She also advises that he get an approval confirmation after the act, via text message.

Many people believe this is a good idea. Before laying down with women, men should have them send a “Yes” text message to their phone. It makes the transaction nice and clean, no misunderstandings. Hmmm….

As an advocate for abstinence until marriage, it is hard for me to wrap my brain around this so called safety dating procedure. The mother’s intent is for her son to not be falsely accused of rape. It is true that the lives of many men have been destroyed because of women falsely accusing them of sexual misconduct.

Yet still I wonder… Is this the best advice we can give? Get an approved text message first, saying that if we are intimate tonight, we are both okay with it.

I’m not convinced.

The theory looks good on the surface but at the bottom of the bucket there are many holes. How well will an electronic note hold up in the court of law? What if she says that she changed her mind and he pressured her anyway? And what comfort is a text message to two people who sleep together and walk away with regret and shame?

With all of the perils that come with premarital intimacy, our greatest concern shouldn’t be that our sons are not falsely accused of rape. Loneliness, emptiness, brokenness, insecurities, and fear are the more devastating culprits to arise when participating in premarital sex. We must educate and advise people to protect themselves from these things. Those who have been there and done that, owe better advice to the less experienced. 

There is no way to create a safe place for men and women to give their bodies away freely. In my life and through the lives of others, I have seen nothing else that works better than the application of God’s guidance for relationships.

There is no safe place for sin.

Sin will have its damaging effect on us wherever we are, no matter how we choose to perform it.

There is no safety net strong enough to securely hold us from the emotional and spiritual backlash of sex without a covenant. We can’t give up or be ashamed to share our salvation story. Those of us who are older and wiser owe it to God to teach the next generation the benefits of sexual purity. We can advise our brothers and sisters better than this.




Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World

Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret

Breaking Unhealthy Soul-Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy?


2 thoughts on “Text Yes for Premarital Sex? We Must Do Better.

  1. Goodday… Always nice to read from these new experiences and stories. I’m a 31years old lady who has been single for long and got engaged now a nothi Whoop whoop I’m extremely excited what God has done. We both are converted and believe in God and a strong believer of His Word. What I am trying to share with you is that we had Premarital sex (fornication) but felt like I’m not doing anything wrong! I even spoke to God as my heavenly Father i really don’t feel like i have phoned against him. Me and my fiance with God made a covenant to get married in 2014. We already SEEN AS MARRIED its only paper work and the witnesses that will make it official. PLEASE TELL ME what’s your opinion on this matter as a Christian as well. Many Thanks Theodora

    1. Congratulations on your engagement. With regards to your question of my opinion, I have to side with the Word that you say you are a strong believer in also. There are many scriptures to support God’s will for us to be married first. God will never go against His own Word, for He is the Word. He can not contradict Himself. Also there are many engagements that never make it to the wedding day. A covenant is not a covenant until then. Beforehand it is promise. Here are a few scriptures that will hopefully guide you and your love. (Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Song of Solomon 8:4)
      God bless!

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