Christian Single Men, Abstinence, and God’s Grace

Christian Single MenHow many Christian single men are truly practicing abstinence? If there are little to none, is it okay with God?

These questions are often up for debate in the Christian single community. A facet of this issue is that if Christian men are unwilling to wait until marriage to have the cookie, than Christian women should not be expected to wait either.

Therefore if we’re okay with it as a “Christian” couple, God should be okay with it too.

Here is one reader’s response to my blog post, “The Christian Man and The Cookie”…

“I see articles like this and hear girls in church group talk about this all time. But none of them can name this plethora Christian men who really want to wait to have sex. They all speak hypothetically and theoretically, just like LoveinWaiting did. I know of soo sooo many happily Christian married couples who admittedly had sex with each other during their courtship. No one gets real about the facts of Christian dating.”

I left a reply for this reader but wanted to carry this conversation forward.

I was inspired to write my previous post because of men I know who are waiting until marriage for the cookie. I want to honor them because society tears them down and demeans their decision to walk upright before God.

If Christian men choose to wait until the wedding night for the cookie, God is more than able to deliver them and will bless them with the desires of their hearts.

The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. (Psalm 145:18-19 KJV)

To in fact get “real about the facts of Christian dating”, we have to look at all sides of the issue. We also have to throw out limited assumptions and generalizations. Every persons walk with God is unique and ultimately God is the righteous judge over our actions.

The reader’s response is correct in that not every professed Christian couple has waited until the wedding day for the cookie. Some couples are frank about their pre-marriage intimacies while others put on a pretense of piety.

In either case it would be presumptuous for me to say that because they are happily married now, that sex before marriage is God’s new approved plan for couples. Instead I would say that if these couples are happily married today, it is evidence of God’s grace and mercy.

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But that does not mean that God will not forgive our sin and restore to us Grace for Christian SinglesHis joy if we repent and return to Him.

Because God has blessed and had favor on an individual who has sinned, does not make the sin an acceptable action for others to take part in. It means instead that God is gracious and willing to forgive.

But should we continue in sin so grace may abound? God forbid.

For some godless people have slipped in unnoticed among us, persons who distort the message about the grace of our God in order to excuse their immoral ways, and who reject Jesus Christ, our only Master and Lord. Long ago the Scriptures predicted the condemnation they have received. (Jude 1:4 GNT)

In spite of the varied religious theories that are created in the minds of humanity, God’s Word will always prevail. You can close the scriptures and toss them in the deepest part of the ocean. God’s Word lives on beyond the printed pages.

Christian single men practicing abstinence is not a thing of the past. There is a remnant of men presenting their bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God. (Romans 12:1)

Satan would love for God’s children to believe that God’s Word is no longer relevant or worthy of regard. He would love for us to turn a blind eye to the damage that fornication has caused in the lives of so many.

The entertainment industry and mass media have changed the mind of many Christians when it comes to dating. But it hasn’t changed God’s mind.

In Old Testament times, Israel often found pleasure in hating righteousness. Then they believed that their outward piety and religious ceremonies would be enough to appease God.

God sent words of warning and promises from the prophets but they did not want to hear. They preferred doing what gave them immediate gratification.

Things have not changed much today. Today, people use the immorality of others to justify their own. They misjudge seasons of grace. When God responds with mercy instead of judgment, it is sadly mistaken for God’s approval.

The old adage “everybody’s doing it” is not enough to turn evil into good.

Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the Lord, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. (Amos 5:14 KJV)

~Candra E.

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.


7 thoughts on “Christian Single Men, Abstinence, and God’s Grace

  1. Great view Candra. I too believe there are lots of Christian men who have a desire to practice abstinence before marriage and actually do. The ones that don’t aren’t sinning alone. There are equally just at many women willing to commit these acts with them. So many times men get the bad rap, but like I said it take two to tango. If more women stood in abstinence and the grace of God by waiting, men would have to wait. Period. Just my thoughts. God Bless!

  2. Candra, I’m glad you advised that just b/c a couple who practiced fornication during dating and is now happy does not mean God approves of their forincation. God’s word is God’s word and there is nothing we can do to alter His view of sin. His views and ways are apart of His character and who He is. He is also merciful and gracious and causes rain to fall on both the just and the unjust (Matt 5:45). I would also not go off the momentary happiness of a couple. Only God knows what tests and trials lie ahead for that couple and the endurance and character they would need to overcome. Such endurance and character can be developed during a time of abstaining in courtship.

  3. This is an interesting topic, and one that I think needs to be revisited in the church. You are right, we have relaxed our standards and have become comfortable indulging in sin. The church seems to be actively pursuing the world’s standards instead of fully embracing God’s standards. God places rules, boundaries, and guidelines in place to make us holy and pleasing before Him. And God’s laws are not grieveous or burdensome to those who truly love Him. And you’re right, God offers us the help we need to live this Christian life, daily. And when we are tempted to sin He provides a way of escape for us. But I do believe that God has reserved for Himself a remnant of people who have not bowed themselves to Baal (sin, idolatry, pride, and the pursuit of all things ungodly). Holiness is God’s way and He still expects it of every believer. Thanks again for reminding us of God’s desire for us to live a sin-free life. Blessings!

    1. God bless you Jeanita! My husband and I chose to wait until marriage. It was not only to honor God, but to honor each other. Even now Ron would never ask me to do anything that would hinder my walk with Christ. I believe it is crucial for Christian couples to remember that their mates belong to God first. A true Christian man will love you enough to want to protect your soul and your life in Christ.

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