She Needs To Get A Man!

She needs to get a man!

These words fell on my ears this week.

My skin crawled. I wanted to scream. I shook my head and placed my face in my hands. Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

I sat stunned, remembering similar callous comments from women who had a husband or boyfriend.

As a human race I suppose we will never overcome all ignorance and prejudices. Some believe that if they are counted among the asserted normal, there is a justified right to look down on those who are not.

The phrase, she needs to get a man, often implies that a woman is lacking in some area of life. The phrase denotes that there is not much value in who she is alone.

  • She’s too unique.
  • She’s too peculiar.
  • She stands out from the crowd.
  • She has her own way of doing things.
  • She’s not like the rest of us.

But if “the rest of us” are content with being common and doing what the world is doing, then why should she be like all the rest?

If a woman chooses to remain unmarried or chooses not to settle for a man who will lay her down without a covenant, then so be it.

A woman who takes the path less traveled is a rare find. Unfortunately she often endures ignorance from people who don’t understand her purpose.

And may God be a fence around her if she has different interests in life, is focused on her dreams or surrendering her life to ministry.

Then the women, who regrettably can’t thrive without someone there to validate them, condemn her. It is not because they actually have the upper hand in life, but it is because they lack knowledge.

She may indeed desire a husband. Therefore, she doesn’t need the isolation that the phrase, she needs to get a man, can bring. Even if it’s intended as a joke. It does not make her smile.

And if a woman has a problem, pray for her. If she is alone, be her friend. If her countenance is sad, build her up and edify her soul. If she seeks advice, offer her Godly wisdom.

Telling her that she needs a man only strengthens the sham that she can’t be whole as a single person. It spreads the message that women are only a portion of a person without a man. Both single women and men are precious to God.

Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. Getting a man is not a prerequisite for abundant living. Except that man is Jesus.

And encouraging a fling without a wedding ring only compounds her problem. It prolongs the arrival of the man that God has kept for her. Let God write her love story.

Am I anti-men or anti-marriage? Of course not. I love my husband with all of my being. Never do I want to be without him. And there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage and family. God created it.

But my journey is mine alone and no woman has a right to impose on another woman their journey. I need my journey to be the woman God desires for me to be.

If a woman is content, Spirit-filled and walking upright before God, leave her alone.

Let God have “HIS” way in her life.

The single woman that lives across from you or sits in the same pew… she is not like the rest.

…And that’s likely a very good thing.

Please share with those whom this may enlighten. 😉

Loving all my single sisters and brothers,


Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.


11 thoughts on “She Needs To Get A Man!

  1. Amen! I am finally contentent in my singleness. I still desire marriage but finally understand all that God desires that to look like. It is a blessing yes but so is being single. People need to stop acting as if one is better than the other. Thank you for sharing this with all of us who need to show more love no matter where we are in our journey.

  2. Amen sis! It really is about wholeness and abundant living but the culture does not understand that. People do not understand that a job, relationship, or any other temporary thing is NOT needed for happiness. Contentment is a fruit of the Spirit and HIS grace is sufficient to do the work He started in each of us. Thank you for sharing words of life as always!

  3. Thank you for writing about this, Candra. I’ve heard this directed toward other single women, and I’m sure it’s been directed at me as well when I’m not around. First, it stings, then it makes me angry. Now that I’m slowly becoming content with my life as a single woman, it’s a shock to remember again those feelings of inadequacy.

    1. Thank you for reading! Sometimes I wonder if there’s a hint of jealousy involved. When someone sees a strong woman of God fulfilling her purpose, maybe it’s intimidating. Maybe it makes others feel insecure because they know (sometimes more than she’s aware) that she God will blessed her with great abundance. Only God knows… but it is still annoying to me even now. 🙂

  4. Lovely post! I totally agree! I’ve been told this before, and I always dislike that married people or people in relationships think that they have life all figured out and they dispense advice to us “wayward” singles who aren’t getting in line with their idea of a perfect life. Thank you for acknowledging that God’s plan for everyone is different and that God has great blessing in store for us single people!

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