Alone But Not Empty by guest blogger, Nicole D. Miller
2015 was a good year. I was overwhelmed by the blessings of God. One after another they overtook me (Deut 28:2). It got to the point that I told my best friend, “I cannot possibly meet my husband this year! It would be too much!” Of course Jesus knows I was only kidding (smile).
But just because it was a blessed year does not mean it was easy. There were many days where I was uncomfortable or brokenhearted.
Last year was a time of recovering from a lot of emotional pain. I of course am still on this journey of recovery but I feel the Lord and I gained a lot of ground in 2015.
Aside from the blessings and the healing, what made last year special was the fact that I have been emotionally alone for the first time in my adult life. As a teenager I fell into unhealthy relationships and the same thing happened in college and then after college.
I unknowingly was functioning in codependent relationships and friendships. One by one the Lord kept asking me to lay down these relationships. I did not realize it was b/c the relationships were so unhealthy and were hindering my growth in Him, but I obeyed because He had my heart.
Finally the time came where all unhealthy relationships were removed and I was left alone. Truly alone. Not just single in relationship status, but single in heart. This may sound very noble and admirable to be single in heart for Jesus but in all honesty all I felt was pain.
All I felt was a terrible emptiness that threatened to consume me. I asked people around me if they had ever experienced this but they had not. I didn’t understand why I felt so empty. And then the Lord led me to cry out to Him. “I need You Lord!”
I cried out and told Him I needed Him to fill me. I needed Him to complete me. That is what had been lacking all those years of following Him. He had been gracious to me. He had given me time and did not ask for all of the idols at once.
Last year was a year of awakening to wholeness and completion in Him. His word says that we do not lack any good thing. We are overflowing with Him and all that we need, but how many of us really believe that?
How many of us let go of the false dependencies and coping mechanisms and unhealthy relationships? How many of us are willing to stop hiding and stand before Him, naked and unashamed? Solely depending on Him alone?
There is no easy way around it when you have functioned in an unhealthy way for so long. There is no easy way to become emotionally and mentally healthy. I am still on my journey, but there is grace to do it. There is patience from a Father who is always cheering us on. There is love from the One who shaped us in His image and crafted us before we were in our mother’s wombs.
We may be alone but we are not empty. And even when we are alone, we never really are.
~Nicole D. Miller
Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click to purchase your copy of How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love
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