I Need Him to Change | Guest Post

This guest blog post I Need Him to Change was first published on https://beagirlfriendpraylikeawife.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much sis for sharing.

Hi ladies,

So this is the phrase that has been a constant in my prayers whenever my boyfriend makes me mad or gets mad at me. I always look up to the Lord and ask him, ‘why does he act like that?’ ‘ Can’t he just change and be this…and that and the other’. I need him to change Lord!

Well, I have been reading ‘The Power of a Praying wife’ and oh wow, I was taken aback.

To come to God to change someone, you have to come with a pure heart, otherwise your prayers will take longer to be answered, because they are not coming from the purity of your heart. If I look back, there are times when my boyfriend and I used to have an argument, and I would kneel before the Lord and cry, and ask him to forgive me and clear my heart of the anger and pray for a change in my boyfriend; funny enough that change would truly occur. On the contrary, whenever, I went to God arguing and blaming my boyfriend, it was like my pleas fell on deaf ears and I was losing.

One thing for sure, is that I cannot come around to telling my boyfriend that something is wrong with him or pointing out his flaws without him being defensive and yet he found it so easy to point out mine. I did not want to be annoying and complain all the time because growing up I knew how annoying a nagging woman can be, and yet my boyfriend said that I sometimes come off annoying…(well its people on the outside who truly know You) ; and I have also promised to stop being on the defensive myself. So back to Stormie, she specifically referred to praying to God to change You first before, he begins to work on the Boyfriend. WHOAH..

So before I wrote this post I asked myself, what is honestly wrong with me. I feel like I have not done anything wrong, he is always in the wrong I said. So, it finally came to me that maybe I can start praying about the things that he vocally complains about me. (Thank God my guy is vocal about such)

  1. Time Keeping; I did not think it was that big of a deal, until I recalled the expression that he has on his face when I’m late for a date, or spending hours doing my makeup, or not prepared for anything when he comes over. The expression is one that says that he wants to wrap me in a ball and throw me off the balcony. (My guy wants a girlfriend who keeps time or at least shows an effort to keep time)
  2. Organized; I must confess I am not organized AT ALL!!! Like sometimes I like my mess because I can easily find my stuff through it. But I know how to hide so I do not think he has seen my mess full on (I’m one of those people who usually organize when someone is coming over)
    1. (a) The other thing that is in the organized categories is the finances. My finances are somewhat a mess. There are times when I have money and other times I am super broke…and I always tell myself that I’m only 23…lol…that is foolish, I know. So he keeps saying he does not mind but I am sure he does, it is not right I need to get myself together
  3. My phone is unavailable (most of the time) when he needs to talk to me and also when it is on, I do not pick (not intentionally of course). Do You know anyone like this? They really do not mind being offline. I honestly do not mind and I feel like I get a peace of mind. But it drives him mad…Super mad.
  4. I interrupt him a lot when he is talking. I just cannot seem to shut up! I am so opinionated and I need to understand that some I do not have to really talk and allow my man to feel like a man. Otherwise, we end up in a debate that is makes one of us angry.

So these are the areas that I am asking God to change in me. I am on my knees praying to God to deliver me from those weak points, I am physically going to work at it physically and keep a journal for progress. What are Your weak points that Your boyfriend keeps complaining about?

P.S: And lastly, if you’re still thinking ‘He also has weaknesses’, my response is, let’s be humble, come off our high horse and deal with OURS, then we shall deal with his later.


  1. Let go of your anger towards him and forgive him; MARK 11:24-25; Ephesians 4:32 Galatians 6:9
  2. Get on your knees with your pure heart and start praying for Yourself.

This is a sample prayer template which I also borrowed and tweaked from Stormie, you can also modify to suit You.

Oh LORD, I come to You today thanking You for everything that You have given me, the blessings and the love that I receive each and every day. I thank You for the fact that I actually know You or Lord. Thank You for the fact that I am in a relationship with (boyfriend’s name). Thank You for having made us meet for I know that it was no coincidence, for You know all things before they even happen. Lord I kneel down before You today to ask You to help me a good girlfriend for I do not know how to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience and irritability and turn them into kindness, long suffering and the willing ness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mind sets automatic reactions, rude assumptions and self-protective stance and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled. TAKE AWAY THE HARDNESS OF MY HEART AND BREAK DOWN THE WALLS I HAVE BUILT. Give me a new heart and work in me Your JOY, PEACE and LOVE.

Show me where there is sin in my heart with regard to (boyfriend’s name) and help me change and transform from being (mention Your weaknesses). Only YOU can change me Lord and make me new. I confess that there are times when I have been critical unloving, judgmental, unsupportive, resentful, rude and mean. I also have built up anger and disappointment towards him but lift all those feelings from my heart. Let me forgive him totally and FORGET. Let the way we COMMUNICATE rise to another level and let us be able to understand each other

Make me (boyfriend’s name) helpmate, companion, friend and number one fan. Let him feel peaceful restful and safe when he is with me. Let me learn how to care for myself and stay attractive to him with utter confidence in spirit, mind and soul. Make him proud of me as his girlfriend.

I lay all my expectations of (boyfriend’s name) at the Cross and release him of the burden of fulfilling me in the areas where I should be looking unto You. Let me accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he might not change but at the same time, I ask You to release him to change in ways that I never thought he could I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and only You are.

Teach me how to pray for my boyfriend and make my prayers a true language of love. Where love has died create new love between us. Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way that he can truly perceive. Bring unity between us so that we are in agreement about everything. Make us a team not pursuing separate, competitive or independent lives but working together, overlooking each other’s faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the relationship.

I pray that our commitment to You and to one another may grow stronger and more passionate every day. Enable him to head our relationship as You made him to be and show me how to support and respect him as he rises to that place of leadership. Help me to understand his dreams and see things from his perspective. Reveal to me what he wants and needs and show me potential problems before they arise Breathe Your life into this relationship

Make me a new person Lord and Give me a fresh perspective, a positive, outlook and a renewed relationship with the man You have given me. Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion and acceptance. Give my boyfriend a new girlfriend and let that girlfriend be me.

In Jesus’ name I Pray


Feel free to comment down below



Love is Like Green Bananas?

Love is Like Green Bananas?

…written by guest blogger Brenda Seefeldt Amodea

I had a date with a guy once. His name was Mitchell. He was in a band that I hired for a youth event and he was pretty insistent on asking me out. Even the teens knew he was. I said yes.

On our first date he took me to a nice dinner in downtown Minneapolis. It was a nice dinner and we had a nice conversation. After that dinner we were walking on that nice summer evening in downtown Minneapolis.

Then suddenly he was down on his knees before me and proposed marriage. In front of a crowd…  Who stopped to watch… I said no to his proposal without even explaining why. Very loudly to the crowd Mitchell declared, “Love is like green bananas. It takes time to ripen.” The date ended shortly after that.

When you practice brave dating (Dating to discover who you are. The result of this learning process will then lead you to a good match to give you that love for a lifetime you desire.) Sometimes you date clunkers. This is a risk you take.

But isn’t dating always a risk? Vulnerability is required. Believe it or not though, brave dating is one of those safer risks because you aren’t placing so much pressure on this one date hoping he/she may be “the one.” You are just dating and learning.

A side benefit is sometimes you get to do some really fun things on that date. Especially if you can help shape the date idea to be something fun.

Another side benefit is you may have a great story to tell your friends that will cause laughter for many years to come. You don’t get that story without taking this step of bravery.

And a proposal mixed with love is like green bananas is a story worth telling again and again.

Mitchell and I had a second date, sort of. His band was playing at the county fair and I was there. He took me on a ride on the ferris wheel. At the top of the ferris wheel, he proposed again. I said no again. And he confidently said, “Love is like bubbles. It takes time to rise to the surface.”

I never saw Mitchell again. But I heard he got married to someone else not too long after. Is anyone surprised?

Brenda Seefeldt Amodea is a 35-year youth pastor.  What that means is she has “coached” many teens through high school, through singleness and into marriage.  What Brenda has learned over these 35 years as well as from her own personal experience of dating for 18 years before her marriage has been combined into Brave Dating Coach which is a blog, a small group, and a speaking ministry.  Brave Dating Coach can be found at http://www.Bravester.com where you will also find other blogs written by some of those grown teens in Brenda’s life who are finding their way to that love for a lifetime.

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

Stay In Your Lane by Makeda Russell

Stay In Your Lane

by Guest Writer: Makeda Russell

I believe it is an important life lesson for us to ‘Stay in our lane’, as we run our race in life. The words that I am about to share is nothing new. It’s something you might have heard before, so, it’s just a reminder to encourage us in whatever season we are experiencing at the moment.

As we journey through this life, at some point in time we might focus our attention or take a glance at what God is doing in someone else’s life. It’s a natural tendency of man. Nothing is wrong with this, depending on the nature of our heart.

But today I would just like to encourage you my sisters and my brothers. Whether you are in your season of singleness or in your season of marriage, never get caught up with what God is doing for someone else or how God is blessing someone else; that we become discouraged in our own circumstance. Or, that we miss our own blessing or do not take the time out to prepare ourselves for our own blessings to come.

It’s not about what God is doing in someone else’s life….It’s about YOU.

It’s about how He (God) is dealing with you my sister; how He is dealing with you my brother. What is God doing for YOU? (not everyone else), what is God speaking to YOU? (not everyone else). Everybody’s story is different…different plot, different setting, different characters etc., and this is something that we must see for ourselves and walk in it without looking for familiarity or validation.

Let’s get comfortable with our own portion. You see, when our mind or our spirit is on everyone else and what God is doing for them, then we are not ready to run our race.  We can never run our race, when we are not in our own lane.

So yes, we might be 30, 40, 50 years old and is still waiting for marriage or some other blessing in our lives, but I encourage you, to stay in your lane…whatever it is you’re waiting on God to do, it’s your lane my friend- stay in it.

One of the things personally for me is that, whenever I am waiting for God to bless me, I always look for familiarity… so, is there another sister out there who has a similar story to mine and God came through for her? Or is there a sister out there who has a similar story and she too is waiting for God to bless her?

I tend to cling to familiarity and there’s nothing wrong with that, matter a fact it was in searching on YouTube for a familiar story in singleness, that I was blessed to have met Candra… (Thank you Lord). So you see, there is nothing wrong in searching for familiarity because it does bless us and encourage us.

But in keeping in our lane, sometimes, just sometimes my friend, there just won’t be familiarity; there just won’t be another story like ours or maybe not in the sense that we are looking for it, so through prayer we have to learn to glory in our own garden and trust God that He will make something beautiful out of it, despite how it might look now.

Jeremiah 29:11(Good News Translation) says, ‘I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring you about the future you hope for.’

2nd Timothy 4:7 (KJV), ‘I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.’

Let’s fight that fight, finish our course and keep the faith my friend, as we run this particular leg of our race.

God Bless.

Makeda Russell is a 32 year Christian Single. She has never been married and is waiting on God for her God-ordained husband. 🙂

Makeda is not a professional writer but a school teacher by profession. She teaches grade six at her school in Jamaica. 

If you enjoyed this post, Stay In Your Lane, please share and leave your thoughts below in the comments!

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for Abundantly You or would like to invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

No Ordinary Stories

No Ordinary Stories by guest blogger, Farah J.

No Ordinary Stories by Farah
Written by guest blogger, Farah, from Rising with the Son

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! (Ephesians 3:20 MSG)

I love reading. I’m especially keen for books whose authors find new and appealing ways to tell their stories, stories that capture my attention and have me reading for hours. But the moment I pick up a book that has an ordinary and expected story line, I’m just as eager to put it back on the shelf.

What kind of story is your life telling? Is it an exciting and exceptional story, or a boring and ordinary one? We all have a story to tell and good readers can tell who the author of our story is.

People who have the same story line as everyone else around them, are often the ones who are writing their own stories. These are the stories that, sad to say, I’m done reading. They’re just ordinary and boring. I know how they all end. But people whose stories are being written by God, now these are stories that get me excited and curious. I want to know how they end.

God is a great writer. Just read the Bible and you’ll see for yourself. Its ancient stories have been reread and retold for many generations simply because their author is God.

Who isn’t curious to find out what happens to Abraham as he lays Isaac on the altar, or Daniel as he is thrown in the lion’s den? Not to mention the encouragement and inspiration we get from reading these stories. And mind you, they’re not a bunch of fairy tales, they’re real stories, written by a real God.

God would love to write your life story, so that it can do the same for others. Please give Him the pen back and let Him write a great story that everyone would want to read.

No Ordinary Stories by Farah J.I’m an empty page/I’m an open book/Write Your story on my heart/Come on and make Your mark/Author of my hope/Maker of the stars/Let me be Your work of art/Won’t You write Your story on my heart –Francesca Battistelli, “Write Your Story”

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for my blog or invite me to speak at your event, email GospelNewMedia@gmail.com.

A New View on Dating

Courtship Christian DatingA New View on Dating

Written by guest blogger: Nicole D. Miller


I used to be a huge proponent for courtship versus dating.  My understanding of dating was that there is very little wisdom, there is no clear purpose on being with that person and there is a greater potential for heartbreak.  Having had the experience of heartbreak more than once I wanted to avoid it as much as possible!

So I advocated for courtship since I didn’t want to be “out there”, I didn’t want to be broken-hearted and I didn’t want to waste my time entertaining someone who wasn’t the someone (am I alone in this?).  But now that I am a little older (and hopefully wiser) I’m learning about balance.

I’m learning that though my intentions have been God honoring and my views were coming from a sincere desire to please Him, they were not necessarily the healthiest viewpoints for me.

The blessing in being more balanced is that you get away from extremism.  Whenever there is extremism there is opportunity for deception, delusion and even pride.  Paul (previously known as Saul) understood extremism.

He was, in his own words, a “Hebrew of Hebrews”.  He was so zealous in his belief that he actually thought he was doing the work of the Lord by killing God’s people!  He was delusional.  Extremism can take us there.

Previously I may not have been that extreme in my belief about dating, I was open to others dating, I just did not think it was wise for me to.  I did not think I could guard my heart when connecting with multiple people.  And looking back I was probably right.  Okay, okay, I was right.  But there are different seasons of life.

There are different ways God is working and moving and shaping us in His image and so I find myself being more open these days.  I find myself having conversations and going out for meals and placing more value on honoring a person for who they are instead of trying to see if they are my spouse.

This is a good practice for me.  It is good to remember people are to be honored simply because they are in the image of God, not because they can fulfill a need you have.

It has taken me time to get to this place, and I am still growing, but time has benefited my growth process.

I do think dating can be misused, but now I’m learning it is about the person using it.  If that person is more mature, less selfish, and a little wiser, well, she just may be able to experience healthy male interaction in a safe environment in the context of dating.

A new view on dating~Nicole D. Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click here to purchase your copy of How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love


I am currently looking for writers/guest bloggers to contribute to Abundantly You. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to contribute. We’ve all had battles to overcome. We are all fighting some kind of battle now. Share your story of God’s love and grace in your life.


Your guest post is not restricted to the subject of singleness. Anything that will empower, make us think, or make us laugh are welcome. Email your submissions to Candra Evans at gospelnewmedia@gmail.com. God bless you!

Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More


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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212



Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary HandShare Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand


Would you like to share your story to inspire Christian singles?

  • What relationship lessons have you learned?
  • How have you grown in God during the season of singleness?
  • Got a funny first date story that will make someone smile?
  • Have parenting tips for the single mom?
  • Can you encourage Christian singles over 40?

Even in times when we feel we have nothing much to contribute, we are in fact affecting the lives of others all around us.

But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. (Exodus 17:12 ESV)

It doesn’t take great feats to help someone else on their journey. Aaron and Hur simply supported the hands of Moses. They lifted his hands high when Moses became weary. As long as the hands of Moses were held up, Joshua and Israel prevailed.

For the last 7 years or so I have shared many stories of my Christian single journey. However, I truly believe that the greatest words of inspiration have come from you.

Many have chosen to share your story through guest blogging and comments. I have read every one and so have others. These words have been gems to the weary heart.

My prayer is that Abundantly You continue to be a strong platform for inspiration for singles. But that will not happen without you.

I am currently looking for writers/guest bloggers to contribute to Abundantly You. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to contribute. We’ve all had battles to overcome. We are all fighting some kind of battle now.

Lend your voice and hold up a weary hand.


Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Your guest post is not restricted to the subject of singleness. Anything that will empower, make us think, or make us laugh is welcome.

In return I want to promote what you are doing in the Kingdom of God. Perhaps you would like to share your blog, book or other accomplishments. I welcome your words!

I will share 2 to 3 links within your article or in your bio that will lead Abundantly You readers to where you are. Share your business, your book, etc. Share your story.

If you feel more comfortable sharing your story anonymously, that is fine too. 🙂

Here’s a quick rundown of guest post guidelines:

  • A minimum of 500 words
  • Include a short bio (Optional)
  • Include a photo (Optional)
  • Include your web site or social media link (Optional)
  • All guest posts, articles, and linked pages will be vetted to make sure it aligns with the heart of Abundantly You.

God bless you all and I look forward to hearing from you! Submit your article(s) to gospelnewmedia@gmail.com. Feel free to email me with any questions or to simply chat!

Love you to life!
~Candra Evans
Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212


Alone But Not Empty by Nicole Miller

Nicole Miller
Nicole Miller

Alone But Not Empty by guest blogger, Nicole D. Miller

2015 was a good year.  I was overwhelmed by the blessings of God.  One after another they overtook me (Deut 28:2).  It got to the point that I told my best friend, “I cannot possibly meet my husband this year!  It would be too much!” Of course Jesus knows I was only kidding (smile).

But just because it was a blessed year does not mean it was easy.  There were many days where I was uncomfortable or brokenhearted.

Last year was a time of recovering from a lot of emotional pain.  I of course am still on this journey of recovery but I feel the Lord and I gained a lot of ground in 2015.

Aside from the blessings and the healing, what made last year special was the fact that I have been emotionally alone for the first time in my adult life.  As a teenager I fell into unhealthy relationships and the same thing happened in college and then after college.

I unknowingly was functioning in codependent relationships and friendships.  One by one the Lord kept asking me to lay down these relationships.  I did not realize it was b/c the relationships were so unhealthy and were hindering my growth in Him, but I obeyed because He had my heart.

Finally the time came where all unhealthy relationships were removed and I was left alone.  Truly alone.  Not just single in relationship status, but single in heart.  This may sound very noble and admirable to be single in heart for Jesus but in all honesty all I felt was pain.

All I felt was a terrible emptiness that threatened to consume me.  I asked people around me if they had ever experienced this but they had not.  I didn’t understand why I felt so empty.  And then the Lord led me to cry out to Him.  “I need You Lord!”

I cried out and told Him I needed Him tEmpty but not aloneo fill me.  I needed Him to complete me.  That is what had been lacking all those years of following Him.  He had been gracious to me.  He had given me time and did not ask for all of the idols at once.

Last year was a year of awakening to wholeness and completion in Him.  His word says that we do not lack any good thing.  We are overflowing with Him and all that we need, but how many of us really believe that?

How many of us let go of the false dependencies and coping mechanisms and unhealthy relationships?  How many of us are willing to stop hiding and stand before Him, naked and unashamed?  Solely depending on Him alone?

There is no easy way around it when you have functioned in an unhealthy way for so long.  There is no easy way to become emotionally and mentally healthy.  I am still on my journey, but there is grace to do it.  There is patience from a Father who is always cheering us on.  There is love from the One who shaped us in His image and crafted us before we were in our mother’s wombs.

We may be alone but we are not empty.  And even when we are alone, we never really are.

~Nicole D. Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click to purchase your copy of How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love

Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More
How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love by Nicole Miller
Can You Do It Standing Up? A Different Position on Relationships: Insight To Help You Make Better Relationship Decisions by Kenny Pugh
Anxious for Nothing: God’s Cure for the Cares of Your Soul (John Macarthur Study)


Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212


My Grace is Enough

“My Grace is Enough” by guest blogger, Nicole Miller.

I sank down with my back against the wall, and let the tears flow.  I cried out and told the Lord that I simply could not fulfill His call on my life.  I had tried and tried and I just did not have it in me. 

I let my heart pour out through those tears and grief and sorrow escaped.  This was not the first time I had come to the end of myself and it would not be the last. 

But I knew that it had to happen and that life was made up of these moments when you realize, you do not have what it takes in and of yourself to complete your race.  It wasn’t just singleness that ailed me, it was my own brokenness. I was frustrated that a season was causing me such turmoil and my way of “white knuckling” it was not effective for the long haul. 

I was on my face before the Lord and it had been a while since that had happened.  There was no outward manifestation of His answer, but I knew just the same He was there.

The next morning I received an email from a woman pouring out her heart to me about her relationship woes and her singlehood.  She had found me via the internet and a popular blog post I wrote which also became the title of my first book.  I was overwhelmed at her sharing and how she was in need of what I had to offer. 

It was in reading her email that I heard the Lord very clearly, “I am your strength where you are weak.  My grace is sufficient for you”.  And I looked at the time the woman had written the email.  Yes, it was around the time I myself was crying out to the Lord for my own deliverance.

I once read that Paul was an overcomer because he learned to embrace his weaknesses.  When he asked the Lord to deliver him from the thorn in his flesh 3 times, the Lord responded, “My grace is sufficient”. 

I have struggled with perfectionism and perfectionism does not allow you to embrace your weaknesses.  It makes you feel as if you have to have it all together.  That has caused me to be self-reliant and depend on myself.  Only being self-reliant never lasts long term because eventually you will find yourself sitting on the floor in your bedroom, crying out to Jesus that you simply do not have what it takes.

And that’s exactly what He wants.

So that we can learn His grace.  I’m learning what His grace is.  His grace is joy in the midst of circumstances you cannot change.  A joy that is supernatural.  His grace is wholeness.  Being complete in His love and identity and the ability to engage in the abundant life He died for His children to have.  It is Gal 5:22-23.  The fruits of the Spirit which are His character and are His fullness which is in us.  It is tangible and personal and satisfies in every way.

Anxiety plagued me b/c I wanted control.  It made me feel as if by worrying I had control but instead it discouraged me and I could not see a hope for my future.  I was projecting my past into my future. 

When I humbled myself and released control He met me with His joy.  His joy that allowed me to enjoy my present and trust Him with my future.  His joy that can only be found in the manifestation of His presence, no matter our circumstances.

He will show us the path of life.  In His presence there is fullness of joy.  At His right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click to purchase your copy of ]How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love

Click here for more articles! The Best of Love in Waiting

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.


Thoughts on Waiting and Why It’s Hard

Thoughts on Waiting & Why It’s Hard
by guest blogger Nicole D. Miller

Thoughts on WaitingI think the hardest part of waiting in singleness for me is the fact that I simply will have no control over WHEN or WHO or HOW.  I mean God has given me confirmation that He has a WHO but nothing else.  No other specifics.  And I personally am a planner

I lean towards the “type A” personality and that means I’m an organizer, planner, and time keeper.  A friend of mine actually designated me to be her “time keeper” at her future wedding.  She is not currently dating so who knows when she will be graced with my time-keeping abilities.  But I’m touched that she has thought that far ahead.  Come to think of it, that is probably b/c she too is a planner.  Anyways, I digress… 

The thing about the way God works is that He gives you these gifts and talents and things you’re really good at.  He then gives you times and places to demonstrate those gifts.  Like my job for instance.  I get paid every day to be organized, be a decision maker, and have excellent time management skills. 

I have held several leadership positions using these qualities all being ordained by God.  But then when it comes to my romance life (which is currently nonexistent) God wants me to take a backseat.  “I got this Nicole” He says.  And so He does not want me to choose the “who”, dictate the “when” or influence the “how”.  He just wants me to trust. 

“But Jesus, haven’t I been doing really great at being a leader in all of these other areas of my life?”  And I know what His response is.  Because in this season He has made it so clear as to how emotionally unhealthy and misguided I have been that I could not have possibly picked a great “who” or “when” or “how”. 

The other thing about me is, I always think I’m right.  And I’m slowly coming to the reality that I am actually not always right.  God is actually right more times than I am b/c, well, He is right ALL THE TIME.  So not only do I need to exhibit faith b/c I cannot have control over this plan He has for my romantic life but I also need to humble myself to say, His plan is best.  Selah. 

Another trait about my personality type is that I am goal-oriented.  So part of me desires marriage to simply check it off my checklist.  Something to accomplish.  Another notch under my belt.  But God’s word to me has been that I must become more people-oriented

I must focus on the people currently in my life and the relationships currently in my life so that I can become the person He created me to be.   I must fully give myself over to these people and this season and this life experience and in doing so I am being further prepared for my future.  I must live in the “now”.

I know from past experience when I have chosen to live in the now and focus on the now, the waiting itself has disappeared.  My focus has shifted and the “goal” was no longer the focus.  The “now” was.  And when I rest in the “now” or simply think of Him, I’m reminded that He is my Abba. 

That I know Him, and even better, He knows me.  He knows me through and through.  He knows my tastes and preferences.  He knows my emotional needs and He knows what will best manifest my purpose.  He also knows when I will be healthy enough to handle another person being thrown into the mix of my already full of people life.  And therefore, His WHO and WHEN and HOW will be just what I need. 

That is the place I know He wants His children to reside from.  That place of trust.


Nicole Miller Singleness~ Author and Blogger, Nicole D. Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click to purchase your copy of How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love


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Singleness: A Time for Self-Examination

Nicole Miller Singleness
Nicole D. Miller

Singleness: A Time for Self-Examination
by guest blogger and author, Nicole D. Miller MBA

2 Corinthians 13:5 (ESV) “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?-Unless indeed you fail to meet the test!”

We as believers are clearly called to examine ourselves. And although the above passage speaks of spiritual examination, I think its wisdom to not only examine where we are spiritually, but to also examine our emotional, mental and physical state of being as well.

2 Peter 1:5-9 (MSG) “So don’t lose a minute building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.”

We are whole people, and God is not only concerned about our faith, but about our whole beings. As singles we have an opportunity to get healthy in every area of our lives apart from being distracted by a partner (1 Cor 7:33-34). We can actually be selfish! But in a good way :). A way that allows us to take time to fully develop in all areas to benefit our future marriages.

I was recently with a friend who shared she did not understand why she was still single. She is a wonderful woman. Full of faith and loyalty and servant hood. I mean she has some really great gifts and attributes and I agree she will make a great helpmate, when the time is right.

But even with her great qualities there is a lot of pain and trauma she is recovering from. I myself am in recovery from pain and trauma. It is my experience that when a person is not healed in those areas of pain they will surface in future relationships. So I know for me the Lord is choosing to heal me in my needed areas so that I do not carry them forward into future relationships. I have made this mistake in the past and it has led to more pain and more trauma.

We singles can be amazing people, with amazing hearts and not understand why is it that we are not “booed up”? But there is a difference between being cute and fun while dating and bearing with someone through the very ugliest parts of life.

The latter takes true character, perseverance and long suffering. If we are not demonstrating this character in singleness, how can we possibly demonstrate it in marriage?

singlenessWe singles can also be unaware of our issues. Our own dysfunction. When singles are unaware of their own dysfunction, guess what happens? They attract other dysfunctional people and therefore have dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships. Are we called to be perfect to be in a relationship? Of course not. But since we are single, we ought to take advantage of this time to do a little self-examination.

One great test for me to see how I am doing on the scale of relational and personal health is to reflect on the most challenging relationship I have in my life. That usually consists of a family relationship or a work relationship. Depending on the day, either of these relationships could cause me to be easily angered, prideful, and unforgiving.

These relationships can cause me to be downright unattractive in my attitude and thought life. So I can measure where my heart is really at when reflecting on the latest interactions I have had with these individuals.

It is easy to put on a smile and be kind to people who do not get on your nerves. But how are you when dealing with that family member who gets under your skin or that coworker who is always trying to sabotage your work? How is your attitude when no one is looking? I’m learning that I need to first be a good steward in my current relationships before thinking of adding any more.

It can be difficult to see yourself. It seems we are all able to see others’ flaws more easily than our own (Matthew 7:3-5) so I also ask the Holy Spirit to show me my unhealthy areas. And if you’re really bold try asking someone who knows you well what areas they think you need to grow in, but make sure they are mature enough to speak the truth in love to you and not criticize.

We are all on a journey to reflect out true identity and the person God designed in His heart before the world began. Singleness is a great season to learn that true self and fully develop in needed areas to avoid unnecessary pain in future relationships.

Don’t waste your time rushing through this season but use it to better yourself. After all, you want to bring the very best version of you into your next relationship and I’m sure your future mate will appreciate your efforts!

~ Author and Blogger, Nicole Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click below to purchase Nicole’s book, How to Overcome Heartbreak.


Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU Inc submit your information on our contact page. If you would like to invite Candra to speak for your event, please submit a message on our contact page.


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