Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary HandShare Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand


Would you like to share your story to inspire Christian singles?

  • What relationship lessons have you learned?
  • How have you grown in God during the season of singleness?
  • Got a funny first date story that will make someone smile?
  • Have parenting tips for the single mom?
  • Can you encourage Christian singles over 40?

Even in times when we feel we have nothing much to contribute, we are in fact affecting the lives of others all around us.

But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. (Exodus 17:12 ESV)

It doesn’t take great feats to help someone else on their journey. Aaron and Hur simply supported the hands of Moses. They lifted his hands high when Moses became weary. As long as the hands of Moses were held up, Joshua and Israel prevailed.

For the last 7 years or so I have shared many stories of my Christian single journey. However, I truly believe that the greatest words of inspiration have come from you.

Many have chosen to share your story through guest blogging and comments. I have read every one and so have others. These words have been gems to the weary heart.

My prayer is that Abundantly You continue to be a strong platform for inspiration for singles. But that will not happen without you.

I am currently looking for writers/guest bloggers to contribute to Abundantly You. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to contribute. We’ve all had battles to overcome. We are all fighting some kind of battle now.

Lend your voice and hold up a weary hand.


Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Your guest post is not restricted to the subject of singleness. Anything that will empower, make us think, or make us laugh is welcome.

In return I want to promote what you are doing in the Kingdom of God. Perhaps you would like to share your blog, book or other accomplishments. I welcome your words!

I will share 2 to 3 links within your article or in your bio that will lead Abundantly You readers to where you are. Share your business, your book, etc. Share your story.

If you feel more comfortable sharing your story anonymously, that is fine too. 🙂

Here’s a quick rundown of guest post guidelines:

  • A minimum of 500 words
  • Include a short bio (Optional)
  • Include a photo (Optional)
  • Include your web site or social media link (Optional)
  • All guest posts, articles, and linked pages will be vetted to make sure it aligns with the heart of Abundantly You.

God bless you all and I look forward to hearing from you! Submit your article(s) to Feel free to email me with any questions or to simply chat!

Love you to life!
~Candra Evans
Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212



How Can I Find Contentment

How Can I Find Contentment - Part 1
How can I find contentment?

How Can I Find Contentment

About this time 7 years ago, I was 34 and finally content with the single life. I still wanted very much to be married, but God delivered me from the anxiety of it all.

After a few hurtful crushes, dating catastrophes, and years of not dating at all, I had a good sit down with myself.

Better yet, I had a good sit down with God. Actually it was more that I was sprawled out on the floor soaking my carpet with tears.

Sometimes you know exactly what you need to do, but you have no idea where to begin. This is the place where most people resort to repeating the same bad habits. It’s unfulfilling, but it’s familiar. That was me for a long time.

Then I realized that the rare jewel of contentment wouldn’t just fall in my lap. I wanted God to rain contentment down on me like a heavy rain. You know those storms where the wind blows the rain sideways? I wanted contentment to come like that, sideways into my heart. Then all would be well with my soul.

But I have found that growing in any area of life takes work. Even faith without works is dead.

You have to take action to lose weight. It takes work to maintain healthy relationships. You have to work hard to become successful. A teacher once told me that anything worth having is worth working for.

Contentment is worth having.

Again and again I read, ” But godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6). But once again, where do I start?

What shook me to my core was the fact that I had spent years doing nothing but idly waiting for something wonderful. I went to work. I went to college. I went to church. But overall, I didn’t have a real life. Is it any wonder I struggled to be content?

After my “face to the floor” encounter with God, I humbly asked the question. How can I find contentment? After serving God for many years already, it seemed like a dumb question. I should know this already. But I honestly had no idea.

In my most depressed state, the Holy Spirit directed me to live…not exist, but live the life I was given. Singleness has no bearing on abundant living unless I allowed it.

So I made deliberate changes in my life. Every action was prayerfully calculated. If I wanted a different result, I had to work to make a change. For example, I had to stop twirling my head around every time the church door opened hoping that it was Brother So-and-So.

The main take away of this post is not that if you do what I did, you’ll find contentment too. The bottom line is you have to be willing to put your faith to work. If you’re not happy, ask God for direction and do something about it.

There was more than just singleness holding me back from true contentment.

Marriage is not the only cure for a discontent single. Sometimes marriage isn’t a cure at all. God is so much bigger than that, and He loves you so much more.

At the age of 30 I made the following changes to my single life. Some are big while others are minimal. But each plan of action calculated to form a more content frame of mind… as long as I remained consistent. And to be honest, it wasn’t always easy. But that’s okay. 🙂

  1. I started a fitness journey. A healthy body leads to a healthier frame of mind.
  2. I separated myself from toxic people. This meant that I stood out on my own for a while but at the end of the day…..Yay!
  3. I started a regular prayer and fasting schedule. Healing, truth, direction, love, and joy is all in the presence of God. If I had to prayer every hour, then so be it.
  4. I did more intercessory praying (Because it’s not all about me.)
  5. I started writing. It was therapeutic and gave me clarity.
  6. I engaged in Social Media which turned into blessed offline connections.
  7. I went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. This taught me self-control.
  8. I read a book or two. (I know this is an insult to book lovers, but back then I only read the Bible.) Anyone else love Lynn Austin?
  9. I made friends with like-minded singles (with both men and women). Their persistence to please God kept me inspired.
  10. I became more active in serving others. This taught me gratefulness.
  11. I started a Podcast which taught me how to open up and talk freely. Plus it was just plain fun.
  12. I started my journey to running a thousand 5K races (Actually I really don’t keep count, but I’ve run bunches. 🙂 )
  13. I started a blog or 2…okay I’ve had about 6.
  14. I discovered a love for road trips and travel. To this day there are things I never would have experienced if I hadn’t traveled solo.
  15. I spent more time with those that had my best interest at heart. I learned to not take them for granted.

After about 4 years of truly living, I was invited to meet my Ronnie. And wouldn’t you know it; I turned the invitation down. That was a bad choice on my part but I just didn’t feel the dating pressure that once was my normal.

Fortunately God is loving enough to lead me to blessings when I’m a little slow. 🙂  God knew that my attention was elsewhere so hallelujah for second chances!

I received a second Facebook message to meet Ronnie and that time I said yes.

Fast forward 7 years later. Ronnie and I will be celebrating our 5th marriage anniversary in August. We are still happily married are content to stay together into eternity.

The irony of it all is that even though my prayer to marry was answered, finding contentment is something that I still work for.

The trials of life come calling on everyone’s door. But through Jesus Christ and active faith, the jewel of contentment is revealed.



How can I Find Contentment First published on Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212


Saved and Single Conference Call | Becoming Whole Before Becoming One

Saved and SingleSaved and Single Conference Call | Becoming Whole Before Becoming One

Join me and my friend Rob the M.A.C. (Man After Christ) this Saturday, January 23rd at 7:07 PM (Central Time Zone) for the next saved and single conference call!

If you’re single and marriage-minded, wholeness is crucial to having the love story you dream of. God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours. Join us as we discuss His ways to wholeness and His thoughts for marriage.

Rob the M.A.C.

Rob is a saved, single minister and musician.  His resume includes a Master in Counseling/Psychology and a Bachelor’s in Computer Information Systems. In 2008 he published his album, “88 Keys of Dreams”. He is a Guidance Technology Specialist, model, actor and producer recently featured on “Atlanta Live.”

Every second and fourth Saturday Rob hosts singles from around the world in God’s Word and prayer. It is a blessed time of encouragement and fellowship.

Click the links below to learn more about Rob and his ministries! You don’t want to miss it!

This Week’s Topic:   Becoming Whole Before Becoming One
Speaker:                       Minister Candra Evans

Saturday, January 23, 2016 at 7:07 PM Central Time Zone

Singles Prayer Conference Dial In Information:
Dial in number:  605-475-4875
Access Code:     767712#


Up Coming Topics on the Saved and Single Conference Call:
Bootleg Mate


Purchase the S&S Word, Prayer and Affirmation CD – Vol I

CD Baby



And don’t forget to share the news of the Abundantly You apparel line! Click to reserve your order today. Ten shirts must be reserved before we can go to print.


~Candra Evans

Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for Abundantly You or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212


Christian Single Men, Abstinence, and God’s Grace

Christian Single MenHow many Christian single men are truly practicing abstinence? If there are little to none, is it okay with God?

These questions are often up for debate in the Christian single community. A facet of this issue is that if Christian men are unwilling to wait until marriage to have the cookie, than Christian women should not be expected to wait either.

Therefore if we’re okay with it as a “Christian” couple, God should be okay with it too.

Here is one reader’s response to my blog post, “The Christian Man and The Cookie”…

“I see articles like this and hear girls in church group talk about this all time. But none of them can name this plethora Christian men who really want to wait to have sex. They all speak hypothetically and theoretically, just like LoveinWaiting did. I know of soo sooo many happily Christian married couples who admittedly had sex with each other during their courtship. No one gets real about the facts of Christian dating.”

I left a reply for this reader but wanted to carry this conversation forward.

I was inspired to write my previous post because of men I know who are waiting until marriage for the cookie. I want to honor them because society tears them down and demeans their decision to walk upright before God.

If Christian men choose to wait until the wedding night for the cookie, God is more than able to deliver them and will bless them with the desires of their hearts.

The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. (Psalm 145:18-19 KJV)

To in fact get “real about the facts of Christian dating”, we have to look at all sides of the issue. We also have to throw out limited assumptions and generalizations. Every persons walk with God is unique and ultimately God is the righteous judge over our actions.

The reader’s response is correct in that not every professed Christian couple has waited until the wedding day for the cookie. Some couples are frank about their pre-marriage intimacies while others put on a pretense of piety.

In either case it would be presumptuous for me to say that because they are happily married now, that sex before marriage is God’s new approved plan for couples. Instead I would say that if these couples are happily married today, it is evidence of God’s grace and mercy.

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But that does not mean that God will not forgive our sin and restore to us Grace for Christian SinglesHis joy if we repent and return to Him.

Because God has blessed and had favor on an individual who has sinned, does not make the sin an acceptable action for others to take part in. It means instead that God is gracious and willing to forgive.

But should we continue in sin so grace may abound? God forbid.

For some godless people have slipped in unnoticed among us, persons who distort the message about the grace of our God in order to excuse their immoral ways, and who reject Jesus Christ, our only Master and Lord. Long ago the Scriptures predicted the condemnation they have received. (Jude 1:4 GNT)

In spite of the varied religious theories that are created in the minds of humanity, God’s Word will always prevail. You can close the scriptures and toss them in the deepest part of the ocean. God’s Word lives on beyond the printed pages.

Christian single men practicing abstinence is not a thing of the past. There is a remnant of men presenting their bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God. (Romans 12:1)

Satan would love for God’s children to believe that God’s Word is no longer relevant or worthy of regard. He would love for us to turn a blind eye to the damage that fornication has caused in the lives of so many.

The entertainment industry and mass media have changed the mind of many Christians when it comes to dating. But it hasn’t changed God’s mind.

In Old Testament times, Israel often found pleasure in hating righteousness. Then they believed that their outward piety and religious ceremonies would be enough to appease God.

God sent words of warning and promises from the prophets but they did not want to hear. They preferred doing what gave them immediate gratification.

Things have not changed much today. Today, people use the immorality of others to justify their own. They misjudge seasons of grace. When God responds with mercy instead of judgment, it is sadly mistaken for God’s approval.

The old adage “everybody’s doing it” is not enough to turn evil into good.

Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the Lord, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. (Amos 5:14 KJV)

~Candra E.

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

Waiting on God |How Long Is Too Long?

Greetings and God bless to all of my beautiful sisters in Christ Jesus! Recently I have been putting more time and focus on writing offline. But as too not neglect Abundantly You, I want to share excerpts of an upcoming writing project with you. Please enjoy and be blessed. Love you ladies to life!

Waiting on God | How Long Is Too Long

Have you ever stood in line at the grocery store, glancing over the magazine covers, and suddenly an internal alarm goes off signaling that you’ve been waiting too long? When you realize you have been waiting longer than anticipated, your contentment weakens.

There is no written rule for how long is too long to wait in line at the grocery store. However, previous shopping visits have conditioned our level of acceptance regarding the amount of time we are willing to wait.

If we feel we have exceeded the customary time frame, if we are convinced that we have been waiting too long, we make a decision to be unhappy about the situation.

Impatience continues to grow as you look around to discover that the other lines are just as slow moving as yours. Something in the brain says that this situation is not acceptable anymore.

Human nature is not well known for its patience. We want immediate gratification. Many people escape to the nearest off ramp to avoid sitting on the highway. It doesn’t matter that their detour took them more time and burned more fuel. The important thing was to stay in motion and not be forced to put on the brakes.

But what if it takes “waiting” to get what you really want? Will the internal alarm of human nature force you to abandon your mission and settle for an end result that is less than what your heart desired?

Waiting On God

Contrary to our human nature, is the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God provides patience beyond human comprehension. It is a super natural ability to be tolerant when our internal clock is shouting, “We’ve been waiting long enough!”.

God gives us instruction to walk in the Spirit because He knows the limits of our ability to practice patience. To overcome sorrow, to overcome discontentment, you must possess the Holy Ghost of God.

It is not like life to behave according to our plans. You will have disappointments. You will not always understand. There will be highs and lows on your journey.

The weight of disappointments can be too heavy for our own patience to carry. This is where the Spirit of God supplements our patience with the super natural kind. By His Spirit, God will give you patience that will override your internal alarm and give you rest.

Godly patience has the strength to carry the load when things are not going our way.

How long is too long? In God there is no such thing. Every day and hour is appointed for a purpose. Those few extra moments in the grocery line could lead to sharing the gospel with a stranger. Slow moving traffic could bypass your collision with a drunk driver.

Waiting on the Lord is never a waste of time. Instead it is the fulfillment of renewed strength and a strengthened heart. Waiting has purpose.

No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. (Psalm 25:3 NIV)

How long is too long to wait on God? There is no such thing.

Click here for more articles! The Best of the Abundantly You Blog!

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU Inc submit your information on our contact page. If you would like to invite Candra to speak for your event, please submit a message on our contact page.


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212
// //

A Moment Worth Waiting For | Let God Write Your Love Story

A Moment Worth Waiting For | Let God Write Your Love Story

Today I shared an amazing moment with my husband. It was sweet, tender, and intimate. It was one of those moments in life worth waiting for.

Click below to watch the video.

Abundantly Alive in Christ,



Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212
// //

Faith │We Have Spoken The Names Of Our Children

By Faith Names of our ChildrenFaith │We Have Spoken The Names Of Our Children

Ron and I have been married three years. Ever since we traveled from the honeymoon, family detectives have been assigned to look for a change in my belly.

My wavering tummy has decreased and increased since 2009 thanks to my incorrigible sweet tooth. I can run a half marathon, but still can’t pass up two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream with crushed Oreo chocolate cookies on top. But I digress. (Smile)

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak (2 Corinthians 4:13 ESV)

When you read 2 Corinthians chapter 4 in its entirety you will note the mention of trouble, perplexity, and persecution. The Apostle Paul and the Christian church suffered because of the spoken declaration of their faith in Jesus Christ. Still, Paul believed.

Neither doubt nor death could prevent him from speaking his truth. His faith in God saved his soul and rescued him from many dangers. Paul had first-hand experiences with God that backed up his faith.

In 2009 when we moved into our home, we designated the “baby’s room”. I selected a soft yellow paint with white trim for the walls. We were surprisingly gifted by my brother and sister in law enough baby furniture to fill the room.

That was almost three years ago, and still that room remains the “baby’s room”.

“Babe, where is my briefcase?” Ronnie might ask.
“It’s in the baby’s room”, I reply.

If there is anything stored in that room, our entire family knows to give direction that it is in the baby’s room.

Why do we speak something that isn’t as though it is? To those who do not understand faith, it seems absurd. To the children of God, however, we know differently.

Speaking the promises of God is putting our faith into action. In spite of our situation, we are blessed, favored and loved by the Creator of life. We don’t need to see before we believe, because God is not a man that He should lie. If there was ever a time when God did not give me what I asked for it was because he gave me better.

In spite of three years gone and my fortieth birthday quickly approaching, Ron and I still believe. I believe in God’s promise to me. I believe in the dreams that God gave me. I stand firm on every confirmation.

Therefore, we are not ashamed to speak what we believe. Our experiences with God cause us to not be unsure.

Proverbs says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Postponement tends to silence our speaking. We may become less confident in our speaking because of the perplexity of waiting. We are often judged or looked down upon because everyone else is married, everyone else has a ministry or everyone else has children.

But Paul said that in all his trials he was not distressed, in despair or forsaken. If God commands the blessing, who can stop it?

Last week we decided on the names of our children. We did not come up with baby names for the sake of fun conversation. We put care and thought into the process as if they would be born today. Afterwards there was a sweet confidence that came over us.

Call us crazy. Persecute our faith if you must. Say that if it hasn’t happened yet, it will never happen. But that is NOT what we believe.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127: ESV)

Ronald – “third generation/rules with counsel”
Nahla – “Swahili origin/gift”
Phillip – “named after my father”
Jackson – “God has shown favor”
Cadyn – “Spirited/Brave”

Ron and Candra Evans
Ron and Candra Evans

I love you babies. Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you.


…Only Believe…

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU Inc submit your information on our contact page. If you would like to invite Candra to speak for your event, please submit a message on our contact page.


Hosted By
Web Hosting by PowWeb
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212
// //

Touré Roberts’ 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate

Touré Roberts’ 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate


Need help in identifying your soulmate?

I came across this video on the YT, 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate, by Pastor Touré Roberts. He is speaking from the perspective of his own personal journey as a single man.

Most of his take on marriage and finding love lines up with what I have believed for a long time.

God is completely interested in our relationships that may help or hinder our walk with Him.

We seek God’s face for so many things, but too many of us are leaving God out when it comes to finding the love you’ve been waiting for. To not allow God to lead us in the most life altering decision we could ever make just doesn’t make spiritual sense.

The keys that Pastor Roberts shares can definitely help eliminate the sometimes draining process of “dating”. Identifying your soulmate is less complex when allowing the Holy Spirit to guide.

This video is over an hour-long so if you don’t have time to watch it now, add it to a playlist to watch later. It is very thought-provoking and could possibly change your single’s journey for the good. This is a must see.

Love you to life!

Candra Brightwell-Evans

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share!  If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry

Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry
by Single Sisters in University

Why do we want to get married? Why do we look forward to living with the man of our dreams?

As women, we’re drawn to those romantic movie scenes where a couple is all happy and cozy, and thus we covet a similar relationship in real life. We want the hugs, kisses, sweet words, protection, and support that come with having a husband. We want to be happy!

But does marriage really make one happy? If that were the case, then why has the divorce rate risen over the years? Why do we see some married people feeling lonely? Why do some men/women murder their spouse? And the worst part is why does the marriage bond become mundane along the years? Are we doing anything wrong?

I recently watched a sermon by pastor Francis Chan titled “Christ-Centered Relationships, part 3” and what he shared revolutionized my thoughts on marriage.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32

marriage is not by single sisters in university
image: Single Sisters in University

Throughout the Bible, many references of marriage are used to describe the union of Christ and the church: Ephesians 5:25, Ezekiel 16:8, Matthew 25:1, Jeremiah 2:2, and etc. That’s why in the above passage of Ephesians 5:31-32, the apostle Paul states that marriage is not just about a man and a woman coming together, but it’s the illustration of Christ and the church.

As born-again Christians, we are called to be ambassadors of Christ to the world and what better way to do so than through the ministry of marriage. When godly husbands begin to love their wives as Christ loves the church and when godly wives begin to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ, we minister the love of Christ to a lost and dying world. This, as a result, will attract the world to know more about the source of this solid marriage which is Jesus (Matthew 5:16).

How a couple nurtures their relationship will affect their children and surroundings. I myself have at times been disgusted by marriage by witnessing different couples devour each other like sworn enemies, while at other times been attracted to marriage by couples who respected and scarificed for each other. That’s the reason why we should never take marriage lightly because it’s the ministry that God has given to those who are called in order to reflect Christ to the world.

Consequently, when both spouses understand this profound mystery and they begin to serve and put God first in their relationship, the products are love for each other, happiness, salvation of the lost, and etc.

The reason why so many marriages have failed, become mundane or bitter is because either one or both spouses considered marriage as the source of their happiness. When your spouse becomes your reason for life, you therefore begin to suck happiness from him or her; reality is that they will never measure up because only God is supposed to be your life and bliss.

Do we want to enjoy our marriage when the time comes?

Do we want to have a blessed union?

Then our future husbands and us should consider marriage as a ministry to reach out to the world instead of a source of happiness. The Bible doesn’t lie when it says: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

When spouses together in unity seek first to advance the Kingdom of God, the Lord will then provide for the rest: Enjoyment, love, happiness, and all that we desire of marriage.

~Contributed by Single Sisters in University

Preparing For Marriage Part Two – The Selfless Marriage

Preparing for Marriage Part Two: The Selfless Marriage

Our Pre-Marriage Counselor, Dr. John Thomas, calls a selfless marriage, “The Death of the Self”. Now before you get nervous and scurry off to another blog, let me explain.

An accepted statistic is that just over 50% of marriages in the United States will end in divorce. How can two people that fell head over heels in love while passing each other at the vegetable market, end it all in a hurtful divorce? They had romance, a fantasy wedding and plans to grow old together.

How does the hope of “till death do you part” all come crashing down? It often happens when one or both individuals consistently value their own desires more than their spouse.Selfless Marriage

Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord – Ephesians 5:22 (NIV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 25 (NIV)

Both verses are key to a fruitful and fulfilling marriage. They entail what Dr. Thomas calls, “The Death of the Self”.

“The death of the self” means being selfless, noble, self-sacrificing and willing to give your best to your spouse at all times. A Spirit-filled and selfless marriage is precious. A truly happy marriage is not just about the number of anniversaries, but the quality of your relationship. Of the 50% of couples that stay married, how many of them are truly happy?

You haven’t waited for marriage all these years only to enter into one that is unhappy and drains the life out of you. If we marry with the wrong motivations or for the wrong reasons, it sheds darkness on what God created to be a joyful season being husband and wife.

Why is selflessness necessary?

Selflessness is needed in order to fulfill God’s instructions for the wife and husband. Today, it is hard to find a woman unashamedly willing to submit to her husband. Likewise, it seems that few men are willing to step up to the plate and make sacrifice plays for his family. These are more valid reasons to be led of God when choosing your mate.

Many couples want to share equal roles, but it is nearly impossible to divide a marriage relationship into a perfect 50/50 partnership. Be prepared for this.

Unlike a business, there are no clear cut working hours and take home pay. You may start the marriage with well defined rolls for each of you, but as life happens, it will be necessary to tweak those rolls. Some days more will be required of him and other days more will be required of you.

For better or for worse…for richer or poorer…in sickness and in health…

till death do us part.

Selfless MarriageIf you want your marriage to last until death, you must daily put to death the workings of this carnal nature. There is no place for selfishness, pride, envy, impurity, fits of anger or greed in a Christian marriage.

There will be worse days. How will you handle them? Will you be abusive, spiteful, or play the blame game? A selfless marriage requires the husband and wife to listen when you want to argue, be supportive when you’re tired, and be humble enough to say, I’m sorry.

Here is what often happens in marriage. There will be days when you and your husband will not agree. So what do you do if you both have an equal vote? He votes yes, and you vote no. If it is an issue that cannot be disregarded, someone is going to have to yield in order to move forward.

If the wife and husband refuse, they will debate and vie for the upper hand. Then before long, all the love that filled their souls on the wedding day is long forgotten…and for what? Bragging rights over who has control in the marriage? It isn’t worth it.

If I have to yield, in order to maintain the love that I have waited so long for, then so be it. I do so because at the end of the day I trust my husband. I know that he would not make a decision that would harm me or our family. If he makes a mistake, we will work through it together. If I make a mistake, we will work through it together.

So ladies, before you marry, please make sure the love he has for you is true.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 25 (NIV)

Do not let the world twist the context of Biblical scriptures. Wives submitting to their husbands should not be a slave experience. His role is not to manipulate you and boss you around. The role of the husband also requires selflessness. Your future husband is required to love you as Christ loves the church, and He gave His life for it. If he is fulfilling his role, he will be more than willing to sacrifice to support you and be all that you need him to be, to the best of his ability.

The days when there is sickness, poorer, and worse, are not the days to be defensive and make decisions that will only work to your own benefit. It may cause the husband or wife to feel excluded from the other’s care.

It is especially on those days that you must LOVE him enough to yield and he must LOVE you enough to make the sacrifice. This is why Dr. Thomas calls marriage “the death of the self”. For most couples this does not happen overnight, but if both are committed to walking in the ways of the Lord, it can be done.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:24 (ESV)

All my love,


Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook : How to Really Get to Know the Person You’re Going to Marry