A New View on Dating

Courtship Christian DatingA New View on Dating

Written by guest blogger: Nicole D. Miller

 

I used to be a huge proponent for courtship versus dating.  My understanding of dating was that there is very little wisdom, there is no clear purpose on being with that person and there is a greater potential for heartbreak.  Having had the experience of heartbreak more than once I wanted to avoid it as much as possible!

So I advocated for courtship since I didn’t want to be “out there”, I didn’t want to be broken-hearted and I didn’t want to waste my time entertaining someone who wasn’t the someone (am I alone in this?).  But now that I am a little older (and hopefully wiser) I’m learning about balance.

I’m learning that though my intentions have been God honoring and my views were coming from a sincere desire to please Him, they were not necessarily the healthiest viewpoints for me.

The blessing in being more balanced is that you get away from extremism.  Whenever there is extremism there is opportunity for deception, delusion and even pride.  Paul (previously known as Saul) understood extremism.

He was, in his own words, a “Hebrew of Hebrews”.  He was so zealous in his belief that he actually thought he was doing the work of the Lord by killing God’s people!  He was delusional.  Extremism can take us there.

Previously I may not have been that extreme in my belief about dating, I was open to others dating, I just did not think it was wise for me to.  I did not think I could guard my heart when connecting with multiple people.  And looking back I was probably right.  Okay, okay, I was right.  But there are different seasons of life.

There are different ways God is working and moving and shaping us in His image and so I find myself being more open these days.  I find myself having conversations and going out for meals and placing more value on honoring a person for who they are instead of trying to see if they are my spouse.

This is a good practice for me.  It is good to remember people are to be honored simply because they are in the image of God, not because they can fulfill a need you have.

It has taken me time to get to this place, and I am still growing, but time has benefited my growth process.

I do think dating can be misused, but now I’m learning it is about the person using it.  If that person is more mature, less selfish, and a little wiser, well, she just may be able to experience healthy male interaction in a safe environment in the context of dating.

A new view on dating~Nicole D. Miller

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click here to purchase your copy of How to Overcome Heartbreak : Recovering from Misguided Love

 

I am currently looking for writers/guest bloggers to contribute to Abundantly You. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to contribute. We’ve all had battles to overcome. We are all fighting some kind of battle now. Share your story of God’s love and grace in your life.

 

Your guest post is not restricted to the subject of singleness. Anything that will empower, make us think, or make us laugh are welcome. Email your submissions to Candra Evans at gospelnewmedia@gmail.com. God bless you!

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
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Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
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Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary HandShare Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

 

Would you like to share your story to inspire Christian singles?

  • What relationship lessons have you learned?
  • How have you grown in God during the season of singleness?
  • Got a funny first date story that will make someone smile?
  • Have parenting tips for the single mom?
  • Can you encourage Christian singles over 40?

Even in times when we feel we have nothing much to contribute, we are in fact affecting the lives of others all around us.

But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. (Exodus 17:12 ESV)

It doesn’t take great feats to help someone else on their journey. Aaron and Hur simply supported the hands of Moses. They lifted his hands high when Moses became weary. As long as the hands of Moses were held up, Joshua and Israel prevailed.

For the last 7 years or so I have shared many stories of my Christian single journey. However, I truly believe that the greatest words of inspiration have come from you.

Many have chosen to share your story through guest blogging and comments. I have read every one and so have others. These words have been gems to the weary heart.

My prayer is that Abundantly You continue to be a strong platform for inspiration for singles. But that will not happen without you.

I am currently looking for writers/guest bloggers to contribute to Abundantly You. You do not have to be a blogger or professional writer to contribute. We’ve all had battles to overcome. We are all fighting some kind of battle now.

Lend your voice and hold up a weary hand.

 

Share Your Story and Hold Up a Weary Hand

Your guest post is not restricted to the subject of singleness. Anything that will empower, make us think, or make us laugh is welcome.

In return I want to promote what you are doing in the Kingdom of God. Perhaps you would like to share your blog, book or other accomplishments. I welcome your words!

I will share 2 to 3 links within your article or in your bio that will lead Abundantly You readers to where you are. Share your business, your book, etc. Share your story.

If you feel more comfortable sharing your story anonymously, that is fine too. 🙂

Here’s a quick rundown of guest post guidelines:

  • A minimum of 500 words
  • Include a short bio (Optional)
  • Include a photo (Optional)
  • Include your web site or social media link (Optional)
  • All guest posts, articles, and linked pages will be vetted to make sure it aligns with the heart of Abundantly You.

God bless you all and I look forward to hearing from you! Submit your article(s) to gospelnewmedia@gmail.com. Feel free to email me with any questions or to simply chat!

Love you to life!
~Candra Evans
Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
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Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
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How Can I Find Contentment

How Can I Find Contentment - Part 1
How can I find contentment?

How Can I Find Contentment

About this time 7 years ago, I was 34 and finally content with the single life. I still wanted very much to be married, but God delivered me from the anxiety of it all.

After a few hurtful crushes, dating catastrophes, and years of not dating at all, I had a good sit down with myself.

Better yet, I had a good sit down with God. Actually it was more that I was sprawled out on the floor soaking my carpet with tears.

Sometimes you know exactly what you need to do, but you have no idea where to begin. This is the place where most people resort to repeating the same bad habits. It’s unfulfilling, but it’s familiar. That was me for a long time.

Then I realized that the rare jewel of contentment wouldn’t just fall in my lap. I wanted God to rain contentment down on me like a heavy rain. You know those storms where the wind blows the rain sideways? I wanted contentment to come like that, sideways into my heart. Then all would be well with my soul.

But I have found that growing in any area of life takes work. Even faith without works is dead.

You have to take action to lose weight. It takes work to maintain healthy relationships. You have to work hard to become successful. A teacher once told me that anything worth having is worth working for.

Contentment is worth having.

Again and again I read, ” But godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6). But once again, where do I start?

What shook me to my core was the fact that I had spent years doing nothing but idly waiting for something wonderful. I went to work. I went to college. I went to church. But overall, I didn’t have a real life. Is it any wonder I struggled to be content?

After my “face to the floor” encounter with God, I humbly asked the question. How can I find contentment? After serving God for many years already, it seemed like a dumb question. I should know this already. But I honestly had no idea.

In my most depressed state, the Holy Spirit directed me to live…not exist, but live the life I was given. Singleness has no bearing on abundant living unless I allowed it.

So I made deliberate changes in my life. Every action was prayerfully calculated. If I wanted a different result, I had to work to make a change. For example, I had to stop twirling my head around every time the church door opened hoping that it was Brother So-and-So.

The main take away of this post is not that if you do what I did, you’ll find contentment too. The bottom line is you have to be willing to put your faith to work. If you’re not happy, ask God for direction and do something about it.

There was more than just singleness holding me back from true contentment.

Marriage is not the only cure for a discontent single. Sometimes marriage isn’t a cure at all. God is so much bigger than that, and He loves you so much more.

At the age of 30 I made the following changes to my single life. Some are big while others are minimal. But each plan of action calculated to form a more content frame of mind… as long as I remained consistent. And to be honest, it wasn’t always easy. But that’s okay. 🙂

  1. I started a fitness journey. A healthy body leads to a healthier frame of mind.
  2. I separated myself from toxic people. This meant that I stood out on my own for a while but at the end of the day…..Yay!
  3. I started a regular prayer and fasting schedule. Healing, truth, direction, love, and joy is all in the presence of God. If I had to prayer every hour, then so be it.
  4. I did more intercessory praying (Because it’s not all about me.)
  5. I started writing. It was therapeutic and gave me clarity.
  6. I engaged in Social Media which turned into blessed offline connections.
  7. I went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. This taught me self-control.
  8. I read a book or two. (I know this is an insult to book lovers, but back then I only read the Bible.) Anyone else love Lynn Austin?
  9. I made friends with like-minded singles (with both men and women). Their persistence to please God kept me inspired.
  10. I became more active in serving others. This taught me gratefulness.
  11. I started a Podcast which taught me how to open up and talk freely. Plus it was just plain fun.
  12. I started my journey to running a thousand 5K races (Actually I really don’t keep count, but I’ve run bunches. 🙂 )
  13. I started a blog or 2…okay I’ve had about 6.
  14. I discovered a love for road trips and travel. To this day there are things I never would have experienced if I hadn’t traveled solo.
  15. I spent more time with those that had my best interest at heart. I learned to not take them for granted.

After about 4 years of truly living, I was invited to meet my Ronnie. And wouldn’t you know it; I turned the invitation down. That was a bad choice on my part but I just didn’t feel the dating pressure that once was my normal.

Fortunately God is loving enough to lead me to blessings when I’m a little slow. 🙂  God knew that my attention was elsewhere so hallelujah for second chances!

I received a second Facebook message to meet Ronnie and that time I said yes.

Fast forward 7 years later. Ronnie and I will be celebrating our 5th marriage anniversary in August. We are still happily married are content to stay together into eternity.

The irony of it all is that even though my prayer to marry was answered, finding contentment is something that I still work for.

The trials of life come calling on everyone’s door. But through Jesus Christ and active faith, the jewel of contentment is revealed.

 

~Candra

How can I Find Contentment First published on Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
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Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212
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Christian Dating by chaseGodtv

Christian Dating by chaseGodtv

Courtship Christian DatingSo I stumbled upon this YouTube video and found it fitting for our 30 day series on Christian Dating and Courtship. I will clarify more tomorrow on how I define Christian dating and courtship. There are many strong views on how each term should or should not apply to saved Christians. Ultimately the purpose and intention for the start of a Christian romance should be marriage. This video is a few years old but very relevant to issues and questions regarding Christian dating today. A few topics and questions addressed in this video are…

  • Why doesn’t the Bible say more about dating and courtship?
  • The importance of intentionality
  • How do you know if you are ready to be in a relationship with someone?
  • When is it time to bring a long-term dating relationship to an end?

Joe, from chaseGodtv, touches on a variety of Christian dating topics. Watch through to the end. You’ll enjoy.

Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for Abundantly You or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page. GospelNewMedia@gmail.com Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787 Cincinnati, Ohio 45212

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The Voice Of God | Dating & Courtship

voice of GodThe Voice of God | Dating and Courtship

 

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long. – Psalm 25:4-5 ESV

A new relationship begins with a first date and if all is well, will transition into courtship. This is what we wait for, but our prayers should not cease. This is where you take your prayers to another level and seek the voice the God.

In the dating and courtship phases of a relationship, there is much transition. You’re learning about each other. You’re investigating his heart and reflecting on what you really need.

At no point in romance should you release the Holy Ghost from leading you. There are always questions that must be answered and situations that must be discerned.

As much as we would like to get caught up in the carnal side of things, our prayer should always be for God’s will to be done. As much as we might think we know how to approach a romantic relationship, keep your heart open to the voice of God.

The voice of God will…

  • Help you discern prospective problems in the relationship
  • Give you the wisdom and strength to address any red flags
  • Teach you how to minister to the soul of your new love
  • Instruct on how to be a spiritual blessing in your relationship
  • Guide you in forming healthy relationships with his family and friends
  • Speak to your heart and strengthen you when conflict occurs

There is nothing that we go through in life, that God does not understand. All is addressed in the Word of God. The Holy Scriptures is another way that we can know God’s ways and hear His heart. If we study we gain knowledge of the how’s, when’s, where’s, and why’s of life. God will reveal the knowledge we need for the moment.

Wait for the voice of God to give you insight and instruction. It is worth waiting for. The voice of God will give you wisdom more valuable than silver and gold. In her (wisdom) hands are long life, riches and honor. (Proverbs 3:16)

If you’ve been praying a long time for a husband, don’t stop praying when your future husband comes. Relationships will not always be perfect because, quite frankly, people are not perfect. The divorce rate shows that we prove ourselves fallible in choosing the right mate and making love last.

However, the voice of God is greater than our own. His approach to love and relationships is perfect. Let us know and put into practice His ways.

Let God say yes, before you say yes. Let God say no, before you say no. Follow God in His truth and you will be abundantly blessed!

 

Love, Peace, and Blessings,

~Candra
Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for Abundantly You or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
GospelNewMedia@gmail.com
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212
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Something New

Something New

 

It’s exciting to start something new. It brings an opportunity to reset, refresh and move forward.

When it comes to our relationships (new or old), God’s Word is a guide to us… so that we do not stumble or compromise our place in Him.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? –

2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV)

The above Bible verse is a popular one among the saved and single community. Although this text is relative to all types of relationships, the focused relationship is usually the romantic one.

Still I wonder how early in a relationship should this verse be considered. Most Christian singles desire to marry someone who is also a believer and active in the Kingdom of God.

However, when it comes to dating, the boundaries are often stretched to include anyone that shows interest in us. I see it often. You probably do too.

I’m conservative when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe it’s because my heart was broken on more occasions than I’d like to recall.

Therefore, I’m all for starting a new relationship with clarity and purpose. Some may say that I’m too deep and that a first date isn’t that serious. It’s just the beginning of things, right?

Accepting a first date with an unbeliever can open doors that you may not find so easy to shut again. You’re taking the chance of becoming emotionally connected with someone who’s on a different spiritual page. It may not seem to matter much initially, but it will soon enough.

It doesn’t take long for two souls to intimately connect. It doesn’t have to be sexual intimacy. Many hearts have been taken captive on the first encounter with a romantic dinner and a man who has taken interest in all of who you are.

This often occurs on the very first date. We get caught up and we don’t want to turn back.

So how do you get to know someone without dating them first?  How else can you embark on something new that may turn into something wonderful?

If you don’t know this person well enough to determine if they are sincerely walking in the Spirit, be friends first. When starting something new we are tempted to hurry things along without fully realizing what (or who) we are truly committing our hearts to.

When accepting an invitation to date, you are committing to exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship. But typically you don’t make this obligation with someone who is a friend.

Keep the relationship casual, not allowing attraction and longing to take the lead. Allow your time spent with them to be relaxed and informal. Chances are you will get to know the real man, when you are friends first. With friendships there are less pretenses.

Romantic expectations tend to cloud our perception. Jumping into something new with starry eyes can inhibit the ability to properly discern.

The conflict of light verses darkness will come because the two can not dwell together. You don’t want to face this after the fact. It can be hard on the heart.

It should not take long to determine if a man is walking in the light or still wandering in darkness. Worship, obedience, love, grace; the fruit of the Spirit will flow out easily from the heart of a true man of God.

Then with a solid confirmation from God, you can determine if you should take your friendship to the next level.

Communication is crucial at any stage of a relationship so be clear about your intentions. If you desire to be friends first, be clear about it. Signals between men and women are easily mixed and interpreted wrong.

You want to keep a guard at your heart and be totally attentive to the voice of God. We’ll discuss that more tomorrow. 😉

 

Love, grace and blessings to you,

Candra

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Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for AU or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.
GospelNewMedia@gmail.com
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
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Stop Settling For Placeholder Relationships by Kenny Pugh

Stop Settling For Placeholder Relationships by Kenny Pugh

I wanted to share some food for thought today.

The term placeholder relationships is fairly new to me. However, it’s certainly not a new thing.

How long should you hang on to a relationship that isn’t going anywhere? I truly believe in dating with purpose. But what if the one you’re investing time in, wants a play date and not a soul mate?

On this journey of singleness many find themselves in and out of relationships. It’s crucial to know when to let go and how to hear the voice of God.

Our church small group for singles has adopted Kenny Pugh’s book, “Can You Do It Standing Up? – A Different Position on Relationships” for our featured book read this quarter.

I’ve enjoyed this text so much that I decided to follow Mr. Pugh on some of his social networks. In doing so I found this video sharing his thoughts and words of wisdom regarding placeholder relationships.

Listen in and let me know your thoughts!

Our small group meets every 2nd and 4th Monday at 6:30 PM. If you’re in the Cincinnati area stop in and fellowship with us!

Greater Community Church
3590 Alaska Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio 45237

Can You Do It Standing Up? A Different Position on Relationships: Insight To Help You Make Better Relationship Decisions

And don’t forget to share the news of the Abundantly You apparel line! Click to reserve your order today. Ten shirts must be reserved before we can go to print.

 

~Candra Evans

Abundantly You for Christian Singles and More

Abundantly You Inc welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for Abundantly You or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.