Google Hangout with Candra and Ron…Your Relationship Questions Answered

Google Hangout with Candra and Ron…Your Questions Answered

Candra and RonFor a long time I’ve wanted to do a Google Hangout and chat with you all face to face! I asked my husband to join me and he said yes!

So now I am waiting to hear from you…

Are you in? 🙂

I am incredibly excited and happy for this opportunity to chat with you live and discuss the issues of our hearts. Singleness? Relationships? Health? Ron and I are following your lead.


  • Is God saying that he’s the one…
  • How do I get over a crush…
  • How to be happy and single…


  • What to know before saying I do…
  • How much do I need to know about his family…


  • The death of the self…
  • Communication…
  • Blending finances…

General Topics

  • How to have faith
  • The benefit of purpose
  • Fitness goals

The tentative date for this hangout will be Sunday, October 11th at 6:30 pm. I wanted to give everyone time to catch up with this post and submit your questions early or recommend topics.

If you do not have questions, you’ll still enjoy hanging out and watching us live. I pray that this will be a blessing to your life but there will be some comic relief moments I’m sure. 🙂

If you are visiting Abundantly You for the first time and you’re wondering who on earth is Candra and Ron… check out our love story here. 😉

If you have personal questions and would like to remain anonymous, email me at Otherwise leave your questions or recommended topics in the comment field below and watch for us in October!

Candra and Ron 2

Love you to life!


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Christian Single Men, Abstinence, and God’s Grace

Christian Single MenHow many Christian single men are truly practicing abstinence? If there are little to none, is it okay with God?

These questions are often up for debate in the Christian single community. A facet of this issue is that if Christian men are unwilling to wait until marriage to have the cookie, than Christian women should not be expected to wait either.

Therefore if we’re okay with it as a “Christian” couple, God should be okay with it too.

Here is one reader’s response to my blog post, “The Christian Man and The Cookie”…

“I see articles like this and hear girls in church group talk about this all time. But none of them can name this plethora Christian men who really want to wait to have sex. They all speak hypothetically and theoretically, just like LoveinWaiting did. I know of soo sooo many happily Christian married couples who admittedly had sex with each other during their courtship. No one gets real about the facts of Christian dating.”

I left a reply for this reader but wanted to carry this conversation forward.

I was inspired to write my previous post because of men I know who are waiting until marriage for the cookie. I want to honor them because society tears them down and demeans their decision to walk upright before God.

If Christian men choose to wait until the wedding night for the cookie, God is more than able to deliver them and will bless them with the desires of their hearts.

The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. (Psalm 145:18-19 KJV)

To in fact get “real about the facts of Christian dating”, we have to look at all sides of the issue. We also have to throw out limited assumptions and generalizations. Every persons walk with God is unique and ultimately God is the righteous judge over our actions.

The reader’s response is correct in that not every professed Christian couple has waited until the wedding day for the cookie. Some couples are frank about their pre-marriage intimacies while others put on a pretense of piety.

In either case it would be presumptuous for me to say that because they are happily married now, that sex before marriage is God’s new approved plan for couples. Instead I would say that if these couples are happily married today, it is evidence of God’s grace and mercy.

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But that does not mean that God will not forgive our sin and restore to us Grace for Christian SinglesHis joy if we repent and return to Him.

Because God has blessed and had favor on an individual who has sinned, does not make the sin an acceptable action for others to take part in. It means instead that God is gracious and willing to forgive.

But should we continue in sin so grace may abound? God forbid.

For some godless people have slipped in unnoticed among us, persons who distort the message about the grace of our God in order to excuse their immoral ways, and who reject Jesus Christ, our only Master and Lord. Long ago the Scriptures predicted the condemnation they have received. (Jude 1:4 GNT)

In spite of the varied religious theories that are created in the minds of humanity, God’s Word will always prevail. You can close the scriptures and toss them in the deepest part of the ocean. God’s Word lives on beyond the printed pages.

Christian single men practicing abstinence is not a thing of the past. There is a remnant of men presenting their bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God. (Romans 12:1)

Satan would love for God’s children to believe that God’s Word is no longer relevant or worthy of regard. He would love for us to turn a blind eye to the damage that fornication has caused in the lives of so many.

The entertainment industry and mass media have changed the mind of many Christians when it comes to dating. But it hasn’t changed God’s mind.

In Old Testament times, Israel often found pleasure in hating righteousness. Then they believed that their outward piety and religious ceremonies would be enough to appease God.

God sent words of warning and promises from the prophets but they did not want to hear. They preferred doing what gave them immediate gratification.

Things have not changed much today. Today, people use the immorality of others to justify their own. They misjudge seasons of grace. When God responds with mercy instead of judgment, it is sadly mistaken for God’s approval.

The old adage “everybody’s doing it” is not enough to turn evil into good.

Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the Lord, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. (Amos 5:14 KJV)

~Candra E.

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

My Boyfriend Does Not Mind That I Am A Christian

My Boyfriend Does Not Mind That I Am A Christian

You’re leaving church on Sunday and one of your best sister-friends approaches you. She’s glowing all over. You figure she’s either had an anointed encounter with God during morning worship or….she met a man. (Smile) Since she’s been single for awhile, you figure that it is probably the latter.

Before she gets a word out you ask with a grin, “What’s his name?”

Six months ago she met him at a marketing conference in Atlanta and next week he is flying in to see her. She’s ecstatic. She’s overjoyed. This man is everything she’s ever wanted.

She brags about his career, education, physique and how romantic he is. They’ve been talking on the phone, snap chatting and face timing on a daily basis. She’s driven down to see him twice since their first meeting. “This is love!” she shouts in a high pitch tone.

You take notice that she mentions nothing about his relationship with God. So you follow up with, “Is He a born again Christian?”

She stutters. She stammers. She hesitates as she tries to come up with a spiritual answer.

She replies “Well no, but he does not mind that I am a Christian.”

It is almost the ideal situation. She would prefer that he was equally yoked with her in faith, but at least he will not hinder her walk with God. He was even somewhat impressed by her Bible knowledge.

He’s cool with the fact that she sings in the choir and never misses a Bible study. Plus, he promised that he would come to church with her one day soon.

This is just a fictional illustration, but the reality of this scenario is, well, real. The “He does not mind that I am a Christian” rational is a slippery slope to climb.

does not mind that I am a ChristianI met a man I really liked and he pursued me for several months. I have to confess that it was nice to get that kind of attention.

The hiccup was that he wasn’t into the “church thing”, but didn’t mind that God was a vital part of my life. What he didn’t realize was that when I left church, I didn’t clock out until the next Sunday. My relationship with God was a daily involvement.

I had someone encourage me to go for it. “You can lead him to Christ”, she said. “It worked for me”, she insisted.  She was in her sixties at the time and I wanted to ask how many years of marriage she had to wait until “it worked”. But I didn’t want to be disrespectful.

I gave it some thought and after three dates, he was already asking me to compromise my convictions. This was also after he visited my church a few times.

We can only lead a double hearted life for so long. At some point we have to make a decision as to which path we will travel.

Oxen that are unequally tied together cannot work together successfully. Their goal is to plow for farming and carry heavy loads. There is a profitable end if both of them work as one.

The believer and the unbeliever are traveling different paths. They’re aiming at different marks and running toward different finish lines. Their futures are not the same.

Their paths may cross and parallel just long enough to meet and create a soul tie, but the two paths will eventually shift and become worlds apart. It may not look this way today, but in the future, things change.

He may say that he doesn’t care if you’re a Christian, but how he thinks about love and life will naturally contradict God’s perfect will. This is so for all of us before walking in the Spirit of God.

Your choices for your life are Biblical and faith based. The actions and believe system of an unbeliever is based on various other foundations.

Being with him feels good but the path He’s traveling on has not been paved by God. Because the yoke is not even, you will be pulled backward and forward. Things move too quickly and your heart is spinning in circles. You will have to unyoke from one path or the other.

Cutting romantic ties with an unbeliever is the best choice, but not necessarily easy. Depending on how much of yourself you have given to him, it can be devastating to let go. However, letting go of God is a greater loss.

Romantic gestures are a cheap exchange for your place in God. I’ve never heard a woman of faith say that a man did her better than God. Rather when the new love turns old, there is desperation to be restored back to her blessed place in the Lord.

Heartbreak is less inevitable when the desires of you, your man, and God fall in line together. It makes your journey in life a shared one, which manifests perfect harmony, honesty and love without conditions.

There is no pulling or competing for your heart. If you both abide in Christ, Christ will abide in both of you. You will both travel the same path, moving forward hand in hand without the hardship of letting go.

Companion Scripture (I Corinthians 6:14-18)

What are your thoughts? If commitment to Christ is not the same, can two live happily ever after as one?

~Candra Evans


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The Needy Christian Single

Nicole MillerThe Needy Christian Single by guest blogger and author, Nicole D. Miller. 

I was born from a broken home.  An out of wedlock, single-parent, broken home.  That in and of itself was a set up for failure.  Over the years the rejection and abandonment I experienced from the womb would function in me and by my pre-teen years I had developed a very unhealthy dependency upon my grandmother.  I replaced that dependency from my grandmother to a boyfriend when I became a teenager.  When he broke my heart into a million pieces in college, I then leaned on two close friends; one male, one female.

Jesus revealed the unhealthy soul ties with the male, so with much grief and pain I broke them.  Letting go of the boy and choosing Jesus.  Again.  For nearly 10 years I hung on to the dependency on the girl.  God in His mercy was giving me time to wean me off all false coping mechanisms.  He understood the trauma I was recovering from even if I myself had not a clue.  But then finally, the season came when it was time to let go.  That in and of itself was a traumatic experience and in a sense is still unresolved, but for me, it has brought much freedom.

So often we go through this life not feeling fulfilled in Christ.  We do not know that we are depending on food, sex, drugs, people, alcohol, people-pleasing, over-achieving, and a host of other dysfunctional behaviors.

The Church has done a poor job of preparing singles for marriage and many singles that get married were never functioning in the restoration Christ bled for them on the cross to have.  Instead, singles are pushed and rushed into marriage prematurely so that they can conquer the American Dream and post their pictures of their accomplishments on Facebook.  But the American Dream was an illusion that even when people reached it they got there and saw they were living a façade.

So they got divorced.

Thankfully, Christ has given me time to see the illusion.  He has given us time, so that while you are wondering what in the world is taking so long for this mate to come, Christ is working in and through you.  He is working out all those deeply hidden issues that will cause you to have an unhealthy marriage with your spouse.  He is giving you time to grow and mature and become a better you.  To be the “you” that He intended before you were even in your mother’s womb.

We are all unbalanced.  And two unbalanced people cannot possibly have a balanced marriage.  Often when we are depending on others in an unhealthy way it is because we are giving of ourselves in unhealthy ways.  So while I was overly dependent on certain relationships in my life, I was overly giving in other relationships.

The circumstances of my birth pointed to failure.  But, Christ has used every attempt from the enemy to distract and deter me from my call to bring forth success.  I see now very clearly: success is not fulfilling the American Dream with the perfect marriage, house, 2.5 kids and a dog.  No.

Success is fulfilling the will of the Father.

And as we journey on this path of His will, we will awaken to His fulfillment in our beings.  We will see that we are no longer in need, but want for nothing.

Psalm 34:20

The young lions lack and suffer hunger but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.

~ Author and Blogger, Nicole Miller

How to Overcome Heartbreak Recovering

Visit Nicole’s blog … His Love is Better Than Wine
Click here to purchase her book How to Overcome Heartbreak.

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share! If you would like to write for my blog or invite me to speak at your event, email

Candra Evans

Mailing Address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212

A Moment Worth Waiting For | Let God Write Your Love Story

A Moment Worth Waiting For | Let God Write Your Love Story

Today I shared an amazing moment with my husband. It was sweet, tender, and intimate. It was one of those moments in life worth waiting for.

Click below to watch the video.

Abundantly Alive in Christ,


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Touré Roberts’ 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate

Touré Roberts’ 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate


Need help in identifying your soulmate?

I came across this video on the YT, 5 Keys To Identifying Your Soulmate, by Pastor Touré Roberts. He is speaking from the perspective of his own personal journey as a single man.

Most of his take on marriage and finding love lines up with what I have believed for a long time.

God is completely interested in our relationships that may help or hinder our walk with Him.

We seek God’s face for so many things, but too many of us are leaving God out when it comes to finding the love you’ve been waiting for. To not allow God to lead us in the most life altering decision we could ever make just doesn’t make spiritual sense.

The keys that Pastor Roberts shares can definitely help eliminate the sometimes draining process of “dating”. Identifying your soulmate is less complex when allowing the Holy Spirit to guide.

This video is over an hour-long so if you don’t have time to watch it now, add it to a playlist to watch later. It is very thought-provoking and could possibly change your single’s journey for the good. This is a must see.

Love you to life!

Candra Brightwell-Evans

Love in Waiting welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share!  If you would like to write for LIW or invite Candra to speak at your event, submit your information on our contact page.

Free Love

Free Love

When I was a little girl my mom gave me a book of poems written by Helen Steiner Rice. My favorite was “Advice for Girls”. I thought I understood her poem then, but the revelation continues to unfold.

Let me share with you this poem and a story about a woman we’ll call Jennifer. Because this is a true story, many details will be omitted. Still, I pray that you understand the message.

free loveJennifer was in a committed relationship with a man for many years. She desired a place in his heart that no one was able to occupy since his ex-wife.

The expectations of Jennifer and her “significant other” as she proudly called him were worlds apart. He was looking for occasional companionship while Jennifer wanted much more.

He was honest about her place in his life. They had been long time friends and it was never his intention to deceive her. She committed her heart to the relationship. I suppose something was better than nothing. Maybe she could change him.

Perhaps he didn’t want the responsibility of being married. Or, possibly his love for his former wife never faded.  Although legally unwed, their souls were connected by the chronicles of their marriage. That is just how strong the marriage bond is. Nothing can undo the spiritual impact of this kind of covenant… another reason why divorce is so detrimental.

Marriage was not an option for Jennifer. Still, she stayed and trusted in free love. In her mind she was equal to a wife. After all, she was present in his life. She cooked him dinner, brought him into the lives of her children, and laid her head on his pillow.

He wasn’t seeing another woman. She wasn’t seeing another man. So what difference did it make?

How could Jennifer get hurt when she knew the terms going in the door? She knew there was a limit to his contribution. Jennifer understood that their relationship would only go so far. If she was accepting of that, then so be it.

“You want to be attractive and enjoy yourself while young.
You want to be admired and have your praises sung,
And all of this is natural and ordained by God above,
For God made man and woman to experience sex and love…
But never try to prove your love without a wedding ring,
And never deal in free love, for there is no such thing…”

Marriage is the ultimate commitment between a man and a woman. It is two people giving their whole selves to each other. Nothing is held back. A man and woman stand before God and vow to a lifetime of love without limits.

When a man marries a woman, he is openly saying to the world and heavens above….

This woman is more to me than just an object. I will not “test drive” her like a piece of machinery but will invest all that I have to create a permanent place for her in my life. Because of her love, I am driven to provide for her all that she needs to thrive. My heart is hers and our souls are tied. I will not commit without a covenant. My love for her is stronger than all my fears.

Jennifer never heard these words.

Marriage is more than a legal document. The marriage covenant is not only established on earth but it is established in Heaven. What God has joined together let no man put asunder (Mark 10:9). Marriage is a holy union and nothing else is comparable.

Without marriage the commitment between Jennifer and her significant other remains at a carnal Free Love 2state of being. Physical needs are met but the soul is left wanting.

After years of free love, Jennifer’s relationship ended. Because of her commitment and time invested she demanded the benefits and recognition of a wife, but there was never a marriage. Even though she agreed to wear the badge of girlfriend, she left the relationship angry and bitter.

If you settle for less than what you want, you get less than what you want.

“For free love is a sales pitch-It’s a game you cannot win.
The best gambler is a loser when you play around with sin…
So do not risk your chances for a long and happy life,
A life of true fulfillment that’s known only to a wife…”

Jennifer is not alone. Many like her believe they can form their own fashion of commitment. If he doesn’t want marriage, it’s okay. She thinks she can play the game of free love and make it work. She believes she can play the role of wife without the covenant.

She can play the role. But at some point the scene ends, the actors leave the stage and reality begins again.

I cringe when I hear a man call his girlfriend, “wifey”, when he has no intention of being a true husband to her.  You are not my hubby if you have set boundaries on your love. It is often a word of vanity spoken to pacify a women’s desire for an absolute covenant.

The vision of this world is limited to the things that are seen but there is a spiritual side that is affected by our actions. We must be careful in how the world guides us. Society recommends having multiple lovers before making a commitment to marriage. But if you have too many, the same society will turn and brand you as a harlot.

No one ever says how many is too many. How far is too far? Where is the boundary between dignity and degradation? But following Christ means not having to worry about such things.

Society promotes free love. Marriage is devalued and seen as an unnecessary price to pay for companionship. You remember the old adage, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

My prayer for you is to hold to integrity and remember that there is no such thing as free love. Your body, heart, and soul are priceless entities. Know your worth before you tie your soul to another.

Having his babies, cooking his meals and loving on him at night does not make you a wife. There will always be something missing. Paid bills, companionship, and sex are not payment enough. It is not honorable enough.

If you practice free love your heart will pay the price.

“For regardless of society and the morals they disparage,
Nothing in the world can take the place of love and marriage.”

-Helen Steiner Rice

 All my love, Candra.

Candra Evans resides in Cincinnati Ohio with her husband, Pastor Ron Evans, Jr. and is a member of Greater Community Church of the Apostolic Faith.  

If you would like to invite her to speak for your event, please submit a message on our contact page.  Love and Grace Media also welcomes guest bloggers to come, write, and share!  If you would like to write for Love and Grace submit your information on our contact page.

Connect with Candra on Facebook and Twitter.
Mailing address: P.O. Box 128787
Cincinnati, Ohio 45212

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Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry

Marriage Is Not About Happiness But A Ministry
by Single Sisters in University

Why do we want to get married? Why do we look forward to living with the man of our dreams?

As women, we’re drawn to those romantic movie scenes where a couple is all happy and cozy, and thus we covet a similar relationship in real life. We want the hugs, kisses, sweet words, protection, and support that come with having a husband. We want to be happy!

But does marriage really make one happy? If that were the case, then why has the divorce rate risen over the years? Why do we see some married people feeling lonely? Why do some men/women murder their spouse? And the worst part is why does the marriage bond become mundane along the years? Are we doing anything wrong?

I recently watched a sermon by pastor Francis Chan titled “Christ-Centered Relationships, part 3” and what he shared revolutionized my thoughts on marriage.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32

marriage is not by single sisters in university
image: Single Sisters in University

Throughout the Bible, many references of marriage are used to describe the union of Christ and the church: Ephesians 5:25, Ezekiel 16:8, Matthew 25:1, Jeremiah 2:2, and etc. That’s why in the above passage of Ephesians 5:31-32, the apostle Paul states that marriage is not just about a man and a woman coming together, but it’s the illustration of Christ and the church.

As born-again Christians, we are called to be ambassadors of Christ to the world and what better way to do so than through the ministry of marriage. When godly husbands begin to love their wives as Christ loves the church and when godly wives begin to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ, we minister the love of Christ to a lost and dying world. This, as a result, will attract the world to know more about the source of this solid marriage which is Jesus (Matthew 5:16).

How a couple nurtures their relationship will affect their children and surroundings. I myself have at times been disgusted by marriage by witnessing different couples devour each other like sworn enemies, while at other times been attracted to marriage by couples who respected and scarificed for each other. That’s the reason why we should never take marriage lightly because it’s the ministry that God has given to those who are called in order to reflect Christ to the world.

Consequently, when both spouses understand this profound mystery and they begin to serve and put God first in their relationship, the products are love for each other, happiness, salvation of the lost, and etc.

The reason why so many marriages have failed, become mundane or bitter is because either one or both spouses considered marriage as the source of their happiness. When your spouse becomes your reason for life, you therefore begin to suck happiness from him or her; reality is that they will never measure up because only God is supposed to be your life and bliss.

Do we want to enjoy our marriage when the time comes?

Do we want to have a blessed union?

Then our future husbands and us should consider marriage as a ministry to reach out to the world instead of a source of happiness. The Bible doesn’t lie when it says: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

When spouses together in unity seek first to advance the Kingdom of God, the Lord will then provide for the rest: Enjoyment, love, happiness, and all that we desire of marriage.

~Contributed by Single Sisters in University

Preparing For Marriage Part Two – The Selfless Marriage

Preparing for Marriage Part Two: The Selfless Marriage

Our Pre-Marriage Counselor, Dr. John Thomas, calls a selfless marriage, “The Death of the Self”. Now before you get nervous and scurry off to another blog, let me explain.

An accepted statistic is that just over 50% of marriages in the United States will end in divorce. How can two people that fell head over heels in love while passing each other at the vegetable market, end it all in a hurtful divorce? They had romance, a fantasy wedding and plans to grow old together.

How does the hope of “till death do you part” all come crashing down? It often happens when one or both individuals consistently value their own desires more than their spouse.Selfless Marriage

Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord – Ephesians 5:22 (NIV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 25 (NIV)

Both verses are key to a fruitful and fulfilling marriage. They entail what Dr. Thomas calls, “The Death of the Self”.

“The death of the self” means being selfless, noble, self-sacrificing and willing to give your best to your spouse at all times. A Spirit-filled and selfless marriage is precious. A truly happy marriage is not just about the number of anniversaries, but the quality of your relationship. Of the 50% of couples that stay married, how many of them are truly happy?

You haven’t waited for marriage all these years only to enter into one that is unhappy and drains the life out of you. If we marry with the wrong motivations or for the wrong reasons, it sheds darkness on what God created to be a joyful season being husband and wife.

Why is selflessness necessary?

Selflessness is needed in order to fulfill God’s instructions for the wife and husband. Today, it is hard to find a woman unashamedly willing to submit to her husband. Likewise, it seems that few men are willing to step up to the plate and make sacrifice plays for his family. These are more valid reasons to be led of God when choosing your mate.

Many couples want to share equal roles, but it is nearly impossible to divide a marriage relationship into a perfect 50/50 partnership. Be prepared for this.

Unlike a business, there are no clear cut working hours and take home pay. You may start the marriage with well defined rolls for each of you, but as life happens, it will be necessary to tweak those rolls. Some days more will be required of him and other days more will be required of you.

For better or for worse…for richer or poorer…in sickness and in health…

till death do us part.

Selfless MarriageIf you want your marriage to last until death, you must daily put to death the workings of this carnal nature. There is no place for selfishness, pride, envy, impurity, fits of anger or greed in a Christian marriage.

There will be worse days. How will you handle them? Will you be abusive, spiteful, or play the blame game? A selfless marriage requires the husband and wife to listen when you want to argue, be supportive when you’re tired, and be humble enough to say, I’m sorry.

Here is what often happens in marriage. There will be days when you and your husband will not agree. So what do you do if you both have an equal vote? He votes yes, and you vote no. If it is an issue that cannot be disregarded, someone is going to have to yield in order to move forward.

If the wife and husband refuse, they will debate and vie for the upper hand. Then before long, all the love that filled their souls on the wedding day is long forgotten…and for what? Bragging rights over who has control in the marriage? It isn’t worth it.

If I have to yield, in order to maintain the love that I have waited so long for, then so be it. I do so because at the end of the day I trust my husband. I know that he would not make a decision that would harm me or our family. If he makes a mistake, we will work through it together. If I make a mistake, we will work through it together.

So ladies, before you marry, please make sure the love he has for you is true.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 25 (NIV)

Do not let the world twist the context of Biblical scriptures. Wives submitting to their husbands should not be a slave experience. His role is not to manipulate you and boss you around. The role of the husband also requires selflessness. Your future husband is required to love you as Christ loves the church, and He gave His life for it. If he is fulfilling his role, he will be more than willing to sacrifice to support you and be all that you need him to be, to the best of his ability.

The days when there is sickness, poorer, and worse, are not the days to be defensive and make decisions that will only work to your own benefit. It may cause the husband or wife to feel excluded from the other’s care.

It is especially on those days that you must LOVE him enough to yield and he must LOVE you enough to make the sacrifice. This is why Dr. Thomas calls marriage “the death of the self”. For most couples this does not happen overnight, but if both are committed to walking in the ways of the Lord, it can be done.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:24 (ESV)

All my love,


Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook : How to Really Get to Know the Person You’re Going to Marry

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Preparing For Marriage Part 1 – Going Back To The Old Stump

Preparing For Marriage Part 1 – Going Back To The Old Stump

Preparing for marriage is crucial, especially if you desire a Godly marriage.

My husband and I met with, Dr. John Thomas, a Christian Psychologist with decades of marriage counseling experience. I thank God that we had the opportunity to speak with someone so incredibly wise and knowledgeable about the adversities Christian couples face.

A lot of his advice is what I will be sharing with you over the next few weeks.

going back to the old stumpAfter our first session he gave us a CD to listen to. It was a recording of a seminar he conducted some years earlier. On the CD he taught about the importance of going back to the old stump. He used a tree stump as a metaphor to represent the roots of our family behavior.

When you meet someone, the main focus is on who they are today. Although significant, he advises couples preparing for marriage to investigate “the stump” of your future spouse.

When you go back to the stump of a man, it is not always to factor if you will or will not marry him. Although that decision should not be taken lightly, the fact is that no one has perfect roots.

Whoever it is that you fall in love with will have idiosyncrasies and quirks that you may not see right now. Then when they show up, you may find yourself scratching your head and wondering, “Where did that come from!” 😉

Going back to the old stump can help two people who love each other find ways to make the love last.

Going back to the stump will help you understand your future husband. Did he come from a divorced home? Did he grow up poor or wealthy? Is there a history of illness, or substance abuse, or neglect in the family? Was he pampered by his parents or pushed to be independent and loaded down with responsibilities?

Ron and I have had many conversations about our childhood, family relationships, and key events that affected our lives. There are some things about us all (good and bad) that have grown from our stump.

We found it very helpful to spend a significant amount of quality time with each other’s families. I watched how he interacted with his family and he watched how I interacted with mine.

As you prepare for marriage, meet the parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. It will shed some light on things like; what he expects from you as a wife, how he feels about money, and his approach to resolving disagreements.

Understanding the whys of our actions helps with communication. Husbands and wives often misinterpret each other’s actions and the smallest things lead to huge arguments. Have you ever been in a relationship where you just could not figure out where he was coming from and it caused a breakdown in communication? Poor communication leads to a poor relationship.

If you are committed to marriage you must be patient and resilient when it comes to the quirks and not so perfect traits that have grown from the stump. Until we get to Heaven, this is the nature of our humanity.

The key is for both the wife and the husband to grow in the Spirit of God and not settle to walk after the manner of the flesh. By the power of God we do not have to be victims of imperfect stumps. We decrease that God may increase.

I pray this piece of advice is helpful to you and yours.

Your Sister in Christ,

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