This is somewhat of a repeat blog that I thought was worth posting again.
Several single Christian women have been there. Yes, even I considered it…hooking up with an unbeliever who rejects the gospel that you love. “Why?” some may ask. I suppose because being single can be so hard that we’d rather be married and unhappy than single and unhappy. I know…it makes no sense.
I never had any intentions on abandoning my service to God, and taking up with a man who didn’t believe. I had this idea that I could change him. I could be the spiritual influence he needs in his life. Now I know that all day long the Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. But there is something about a lonely heart and a weary mind that leads us to believe foolishness.
God promised Abraham and Sarah that He would give them a child in their old age. But they just couldn’t let it go at that. They had to figure the situation out on their own because it seemed impossible. Well I had been single so long that it seemed impossible to find a single, loving, saved, attractive, funny, intelligent, responsible man of God. As the years passed and I went from my early twenties to mid-twenties, the pickens seem to get slim. It felt like going to a 12 hour sidewalk sale in the eleventh hour. Everything in your size and favorite colors are gone. So then you wonder to the 80% off rack and buy five Thanksgiving sweatshirts from 3 years ago just so you don’t feel defeated walking out with nothing. Well…okay…maybe only I do that. (Smile)
So, having a hard time trusting in the promises of God…even knowing how He did in fact blessed Sarah to give birth to Isaac…I tried to help God. And please be careful of the advice you get when it comes to dating and courtship. If you have the Spirit of God inside of you and you’re serious about obtaining eternal life, line up the advice you receive with the Word of God. If the advice is contrary, don’t follow it! I say this because others will want to help you help God.
The extent of my pursuit to have a relationship with an unbeliever went as far as a few dinners. I began to grow feelings for this person, but the Holy Ghost would not let me be settled with him. His thinking process, his beliefs, and his actions rubbed the Spirit of God in me the wrong way. Some choose to ignore this warning the Spirit gives. Then women end up getting pulled out of the church instead of pulling the man in. And if he does attend a few church services don’t start rejoicing yet. If he is not ready to give his life to the Lord, he may ask you to do some things in return. Things you know is not in God’s will for your life…and I’ll just leave it at that. It’s called compromise.
Realizing that the end result of this relationship would consist of me loving a man that doesn’t love God finally put the brakes on for me. If I gave my life and my time to this man with no hope for a future in Christ with him, I would end up hurt, alone, and separated from God. You can tell in the first few conversations you have with him whether or not he’s going to be real about God and the church.
And until he decides to get real, you better decide to get separated.
Be ye not unequally yoked.
Today I am much wiser and even more in love with Jesus Christ. So there’s no way I’d leave His goodness, faithfulness, love, and ability to make me happy every single day for anything. In due time, a man of God will join you in God’s goodness, faithfulness, love, and ability to make you happy every single day.
Don’t fret about the impossibility of God’s promise for you. When has He ever failed? Don’t worry about the slim pickens. We can only have one man anyway. So why do hundreds need to be available. God knows you and He knows how to reserve the man for you.
Safe in His will,
Miss Love In Waiting
Love In Waiting 
Great post.
I pray that our sisters get more encouragement from this post. I also hope that the Church as whole will address the male-female imbalance as well, by spending more time to win men to Christ.
As things are right now in the churches, some of our dear sisters will probably never marry, because there are many more of them in the church compared to the men. We need to focus our efforts as people of God to win more men and get them into the church, not merely to get them to marry our sisters, but to become responsible people in society, and also help expand the Kingdom of God.
Yes, this issue does make it difficult to wait for a Christian man. Many sisters can relate I’m sure. In many of our congregations the women outnumber the men and the men are often married or family members. Creating outreach ministries specifically geared towards men is a great need in the church. As you said, not just so sisters have prospects, but God desires a relationship with them and died for their sins as well. I often wonder, why does this imbalance exists?
This post is very encouraging! I have experienced a similar situation myself. I’m still single to this day, and no I’m not content with that, but when God is ready He’ll send me who He wants me to be with. I’ve learned that doing things according to my flesh and will will never produce the harvest that God can provide:)
Amen to that! The cost for walking after the flesh is too high. And yes, as you say, the harvest that God will provide for you will be greater….so much greater…great great great!
Thank you and Excellent point.
This post is very encouraging! I have experienced a similar situation myself. I’m still single to this day, and no I’m not content with that, but when God is ready He’ll send me who He wants me to be with. I’ve learned that doing things according to my flesh and will will never produce the harvest that God can provide:)
Amen to that! The cost for walking after the flesh is too high. And yes, as you say, the harvest that God will provide for you will be greater….so much greater…great great great!
Thank you and Excellent point.
I enjoyed your post very much. I’m a 21 yo man and I recently have been coming closing toward God despite being a baptised orthodox Christian since infancy. I am a regular church goer but I guess I didn’t really appreciate it till I had to leave home to study. Anyway long story short 2 years ago I started a relationship with an unbeliever in the hope that I could being her closer to the church but unfortunately the opposite occured. She told me 3 months ago that she could no longer do this relationship because she didn’t want to become religious. At the time I was very bitter and upset. I felt very little self worth. Although these feelings are slowly resolving I still miss her and unfortunately I’m haunted with sinful memories of her. Nevertheless, this break up has made me realise how much I need God which has been a great source of blessing. I realised that I was not ready to have such a serious relationship because I needed to focus on my relationship with my saviour. Please pray for me that I can mature and develop a stronger relationship with God. I pray that the Lord may grant you and myself a source of inner peace so that you may know that the Holy Spirit dwells within you.
God bless
God bless you Michael. Thank you for posting your comment. I pray and am confident that your testimony will be a great source of inspiration to other men and women of God. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. God truly is faithful.
Very good post and a breath of fresh air too. The male famale ratio/imbalance is a concern of mine as well. The Church needs to do serious warfare for our men who are being held captive by Satan. We need men in the Kingdom to advance the purposes of God and be Christian role models for our youth. Nothing is impossible with God!
It is certainly my prayer that more men are added to the church. I wonder again and again, what is it? Why is there such a struggle? However, I do give honor to the men of God who are taking a stand and holding on to the promises of God. Great men of faith are a treasure. Let us all pray and be a good witness for God…loving one another, that men may see Christ in us.
Thank you for your comment. God bless!
I have too been in a compromising situation with a young man. He was everything that I wanted, but he was not the man that God wanted me to be with. I didn’t understand it at first but my spirit was just not at peace with me being in a relationship with him. Long story short I found out that he was not really a believer and he was just going along with whatever I wanted to do or whatever I said to get what he wanted (wolf in sheep’s clothing), but what I learned from this experience was to obey the Lord over my fleshly desires and that I need to spend more time with the Lord so that he can work on me so that I can be a complete person without needing a man.
Praise God that you received victory over that situation. Sometimes it’s not easy to walk away from situations even when we know it is no good for us. But God gives us help in time of trouble.
I recently looked into the eyes of a guy at my friend’s place, and every cell in my body, and in my soul told me it’s him. I couldn’t sleep well for a few days. I felt like I could finally take all of my armour off( the one I wear while waiting for that person). The second time I saw him, was by chance. Again I felt the same way, but not as intense as that first time. I haven’t seen him since that time and it’s been about 1 month, but it feels like forever. I I thought to myself, why is he not attending the place where that connection happened. If he was interested he would show up b/c I always attend. I heard Jesus tell me to wait. It’s soooo hard. He’s such an amazing person, as my friend’s told me about him, and he’s very religious, which I love. I always wanted to marry someone who I could change thousands of people’s lives with and help them. It just seems way to good to be true that it’s him. My friend’s tell me he’s such a great person and great catch! 🙂
Sometimes in the night, I wouldwake up and have this incredible desire to be one with him in marriage, and I told myself, if I dont marry him, there’s no one else I could marry.
Patience is not my virtue lol, ahh
Aw…very sweet! I will keep both of you in my prayers. If Jesus said wait, He will help you grow in patience. 🙂
Please keep me posted on what happens!
Thank you! I will. If we end up together I’ll show him this post and the journal I made specifically for him of the things Ive gone through and am going through now while waiting on him!
I highly recommend this book. Unfortunately for me, I sat on this book for 3 years. Munroe bases his book off of the word of God. He includes the biblical references which allows the reader to research on his or hear own for add’l understanding. If you are fortunate enough to read this book, you will find his illustrations of how the dating/relatiionship process should REALLY go. End result could lead to lead to a strong marriage with two people focused on Gods word.
I highly recommend this book. Unfortunately for me, I sat on this book for 3 years. Munroe bases his book off of the word of God. He includes the biblical references which allows the reader to research on his or hear own for add’l understanding. If you are fortunate enough to read this book, you will find his illustrations of how the dating/relatiionship process should REALLY go. End result could lead to lead to a strong marriage with two people focused on Gods word.
I bought this book many months ago and read it in two weeks. It was good and useful but I wasn’t smart enough to really use and follow the main points mentioned in this book, such as, “putting God first,” walking the “friendship ladder,” and “what to look for in a partner.” Starting last week, I was hoping to reread some of the books I bought regarding friendship and Christian dating…and my eyes kept starring at this book, so I picked it up and read it (again), but now, everything fall into place and makes total, complete sense. Folks, to save your time, money and energy, I highly recommend you get this book and the two books below. If money is the issue, save up as much as you can just to get this book alone. Read it and reread it along with your regular daily devotion with God, because the truth is, every marriage should be based on a strong relationship and every strong relationship should derived from strong friendship.
To build each step by step well, it takes time and patience, but is possible, especially with the help of God and Holy Spirit. The best part about this book is that all the necessary information is packed in only 140 pages: 96(dating) 44 (engagement)!! Many of you can read that in one day, especially when you’re used to reading college textbooks. Also this book is a guideline to marriage. Although Dr. Munroe doesn’t teach life after marriage, this book leads the readers to a successful marriage. It is made in the order from, preparing to date, finding the right person as well as know what to look for, then onto building friendships and lastly, engagement. Let me warn everyone not to speed up a friendship or relationship because knowing your “significant other” takes great amount of time. Just like you can’t lose wight overnight or know God overnight, nor should you try to know your partner overnight.
In my scenario, the biggest mistake I’ve made was going too far with a girl before knowing who she was on the inside. The friendship wasn’t developed maturely or long enough and now I’ve caused a wound in her heart and wasted my own time & money, whereas I could have found the right person elsewhere. Anyways, I hope none of you go through my phase. I wish all of you the best of luck!
Other books that really helps with dating/relationships are:
The 10 Commandments of Dating by Ben Young & Samuel Adams
How to Influence People and Win Friends by Dale Carnegie
For Men Only (self-explanatory) by Jeff Feldhahn
God’s Gift to Women (my favorite for men) by Eric Ludy
I bought this book many months ago and read it in two weeks. It was good and useful but I wasn’t smart enough to really use and follow the main points mentioned in this book, such as, “putting God first,” walking the “friendship ladder,” and “what to look for in a partner.” Starting last week, I was hoping to reread some of the books I bought regarding friendship and Christian dating…and my eyes kept starring at this book, so I picked it up and read it (again), but now, everything fall into place and makes total, complete sense. Folks, to save your time, money and energy, I highly recommend you get this book and the two books below. If money is the issue, save up as much as you can just to get this book alone. Read it and reread it along with your regular daily devotion with God, because the truth is, every marriage should be based on a strong relationship and every strong relationship should derived from strong friendship.
To build each step by step well, it takes time and patience, but is possible, especially with the help of God and Holy Spirit. The best part about this book is that all the necessary information is packed in only 140 pages: 96(dating) 44 (engagement)!! Many of you can read that in one day, especially when you’re used to reading college textbooks. Also this book is a guideline to marriage. Although Dr. Munroe doesn’t teach life after marriage, this book leads the readers to a successful marriage. It is made in the order from, preparing to date, finding the right person as well as know what to look for, then onto building friendships and lastly, engagement. Let me warn everyone not to speed up a friendship or relationship because knowing your “significant other” takes great amount of time. Just like you can’t lose wight overnight or know God overnight, nor should you try to know your partner overnight.
In my scenario, the biggest mistake I’ve made was going too far with a girl before knowing who she was on the inside. The friendship wasn’t developed maturely or long enough and now I’ve caused a wound in her heart and wasted my own time & money, whereas I could have found the right person elsewhere. Anyways, I hope none of you go through my phase. I wish all of you the best of luck!
Other books that really helps with dating/relationships are:
The 10 Commandments of Dating by Ben Young & Samuel Adams
How to Influence People and Win Friends by Dale Carnegie
For Men Only (self-explanatory) by Jeff Feldhahn
God’s Gift to Women (my favorite for men) by Eric Ludy
>“Why?” some may ask. I suppose because being single can be so hard that we’d rather be married and unhappy than single and unhappy. I know…it makes no sense.
I guess there’s truth to your point, but it’s your tone… reading this made me think, really Candra? REALLY? If you never found yourself in the situation in which you wanted to be together with a man who doesn’t love Jesus, well then, good for you. Consider it God’s grace. You don’t know the reasons of the people who get together with an unbeliever.
You don’t know if their families may have been broken and they’ve never been loved by their parents or seen healthy relationships. You don’t know if they have never met a person who truly loved God, if they even know that people who love God exist, because other Christians have treated them like dirt and Non-Christians don’t. I’m not saying that it’s right or better to date an unbeliever, all I’m saying, if you don’t know the reasons, don’t get that attitude, and don’t judge. Thanks.
I do not judge those who date unbelievers because I have tried to go that path myself. There are many reasons why individuals would make such a choice and I had my reasons as well. My reasons seemed justified based on what I thought I needed, but my reasons did not align with God’s Word. And for those who know God and His Word, know that it is not prudent to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
My reasons and how I was feeling at the time would not bring the end result that I truly wanted. I sought the love and comfort of a non-Christian man, but “for me” there was a cost that I could not afford. If someone wants a different result then that is their choice. Although I plea that they choose otherwise that their heart, body, and soul will be safe.
I wanted to fall in love desperately. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I ached over it and fell into depression. But I had to fight to believe that God had a better plan for me. I decided to trust Him although I couldn’t see the way.
Many of us have been (including me) mistreated by alleged Christians, or we come from a broken home, or been abused, raped, abandoned…these issues makes it easy to run into the arms of anyone who will receive us and call us their own. But, the best love we will ever find is in the arms and perfect will of God.
There was not a non-Christian man on this earth that could heal my brokenness. Nor was there a Christian man that could heal my brokenness.
In God’s arms is where I had to remain to overcome my sorrow until I had peace and contentment regarding my life.
I apologize if my writing seems to be judgmental to anyone. I write about what I have done and what I have experienced.
As Christians, the conclusion of the whole matter is to fear God and keep His commandments. Until we get to that place God gives an abundance of grace to all of us. Praise God.
When God revealed to me what He wanted from me as a Christian woman, I became conscious that I was doing the opposite. My reasons for going astray were turning out to be null and void. I had to put my reasons aside and give God what He wanted. After all, Jesus Christ died so that I could let go of the reasons and live abundantly.
Because of my love for all people I cannot agree that it is okay to hold on to something that will make their life more complicated than it has to be.
I disobeyed God and my life was miserable. Why would I want that for someone else? I want every reader of this blog to be in a place where they can unleash their blessings. It is not just about relationships. God wants to heal the hurts of our past and move us forward to every blessing He desires to give to all who are His children.
Giiiirrrrrrrrrlllllllll! The devil thought he had me(in my Mr. Brown Voice)! First off PRAISE GOD FOR YOU! I work 12 hr nights in a hospital, and I feel like I could read the entire website! Man…the struggle is real. I am in this very spot. I won’t tell all my business, but you are in the house! I let me say that I recognize that I am starting to feel the tug to create these relationships to feed my fear of doing life alone. I have a good body of believers in my life and awesome leadership might I add. I am growing in the knowledge and truth of God’s plan for man. I think I am beginning to see that my flesh will submit to that in theroy, therefore my faith is on E…God is doing it for EVERYBODY but me on E. That’s a selfish thing to say, but it’s the tempation of my thoughts. It’s sad. I could go in on this all day. This article points to the living water I do know! I appreciate the transparency of it all. I feel like going on now. What a wonderful reminder!
I always laugh at that line from Mr. Brown, so thank you for making my morning! I love to hear when someone is benefiting from the blog. Stay encouraged and watch God work! He’s doing it right now! Blessings!